My Meeting
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Hi, welcome back to the NeuroTribe. This is Theresa Minnoch, your host.
I am so grateful to have all of you here. Thank you. Thank you. I have some exciting news for you. in my Facebook group, the NeuroTribe. You can search it up. The NeuroTribe, Theresa Minnoch something like that. And once you join the group, I am giving away guest passes to a workshop that I have been working on that is coming up in September.
I'm so grateful to be giving away some guest passes for this. And so if you wanna join the group. And ask for a guest pass. Or if you want to send me a DM asking for a guest pass for the workshop, I would love to have you. So don't be [00:02:00] shy. Come and say hi. Yes, I did. Just rhyme. Now let's get into the meat of our topic today.
Hi, are you a neurodivergent parent in business and you have always thought to yourself. I do not know why I do X, Y, Z. It is so frustrating when I do X, Y, Z. I wish I could figure out X, Y, Z. This friends is another way of you telling me. I want to work on my self-discovery to really grasp and understand my patterns.
My unique wiring, my unique nervous system regulation. There are so many things that as a neurodivergent person that we get to explore that can [00:03:00] be. Absolutely an amazing outcome and also comes with that work of working through issue by issue to really uncover what is going on there, what is it that is creating that space for you.
So for today's purposes, I'm gonna talk about a few that come up quite often in the tribe and in coaching my one-on-one coaching sessions. So let's go ahead and dive in.
Very often I will have clients ask me, I do not understand why I self-sabotage. I have gotten so used to not doing the things that I said that I was going to do or fully commit and put in the effort to the things that I want to do, and instead I end up giving up on myself. I never follow through.
Or I just get frustrated with always [00:04:00] sabotaging myself, always sabotaging my progress, my goals, the things that I want to do.
What can happen, what self-sabotage can look like. I'll give you a couple of examples and then some ways that we can really give you tangible tools to help yourself. Now, I am going to say, I am not calling it self-sabotage. This is what is brought to me from clients, and I'm using your words not my own, because I actually.
Would not call it self-sabotage, and I'll explain why as I work you through the self-discovery.
You really wanna get to the next stage in your business, in your goals, and you set a couple of really important meetings to be able to get to that next level. So in the urge to want to have these [00:05:00] meetings go so well, what can happen is you are staying up all night and you're not sleeping because you're preparing for these meetings or you're staying up all night because you're nervous about the meetings and so therefore you didn't sleep And.
This can happen for a week. It can happen for two weeks. It can happen for a few weeks, and then when you actually get to the meeting, you're so tired. You're so tired that it's hard to concentrate. You notice that decision making or problem solving is declined, and maybe you have a stutter or you just don't feel like you're being authentically who you are because you're so tired and you're trying so hard to.
Fit this meeting and make this meeting run perfectly. And then you get off the meeting and it feels horrible. It feels like, oh my gosh, I think I just completely bombed that meeting. And then the [00:06:00] tailspin starts and the worry about the self-sabotage and why did I do that to myself and why? Couldn't I and fill in the blank.
What is actually happening in this self-sabotage is you've put a lot of pressure on yourself to have this meeting go so well and in the process you want to study the things you wanna prep, the things you wanna do, the things, and.
It's possible, most likely that you are not taking care of yourself, so it, you're not getting proper food, you're not getting proper water, you're not taking enough breaks, maybe not going outside at all. Maybe you're eating junk food because you're trying to fit all of this studying in and among all of the work you're still already doing, and so you are adding.
Such additional work to yourself that it's impossible for you to get a good night's sleep. [00:07:00] All of these things combined can cause that cognitive slowdown, right? If you're not getting enough water and nutrients for your body, if you're not getting those macro and micronutrients for your body
you're in essence giving yourself a slow starving state, and that sounds so extreme, but in actuality, if you are not eating proper meals, then your body is not able to function properly and therefore your brain is not able to function properly. Combine that with not sleeping or only sleeping a couple of hours a night while you may get the progress for your work.
Once you get to the meeting, you're so tired, it's really hard to think and process.
The same goes with hydration. When we are dehydrated, we can get headaches and we can get fatigue. And again, [00:08:00] it can be difficult for us to. Really process and think when you are going so full on out in studying and prepping and.
Getting ready for these meetings. It could be that you may be forgetting some of your medications or forgetting some of your vitamins and supplements that you take for your body to be functioning at its highest level. All of these things can be contributing to how smoothly this meeting went.
Again, I wouldn't necessarily call this self-sabotage.
However, I would say that we need to step in here and give you some systems to help you with your self care, for you to prep and prepare along the way to get to the meeting and have it go. The way that you genuinely would like to see it go. Now we have no control over the [00:09:00] other side of whoever's on the meeting, but we do have control over , how we prep, how we take care of ourselves, and how we show up for the meeting.
. Another thing that clients talk about is the frustration of feeling like they're good at one thing but not the other. And that could look either way, right? It could look like you are really good at business, you're very successful, and you know how to do that.
And you're not great at all of the personal things. You're not great at the family things. You're not great at connecting with people at the kids' school. Or maybe you have so much stress and pressure at work that when you get home you just wanna put some noise canceling headphones on and zone out.
Maybe you just need a lot of downtime for yourself because you. Over [00:10:00] socialized at during business hours. There are so many reasons of why that. One is out of balance with the other. And what I have heard in feedback is that they feel like they're sabotaging themselves and their own happiness or their own success or their family in lieu of the other thing, because it just doesn't feel balanced.
, What we can do together is really figure out , what is it that's going on? Do you feel super confident in business? Then when it is time to do the family thing, you kind of don't know how to do the thing and you shut down and end up going back to work, or you end up binge watching, or you're too tired, too fatigued to interact with the family.
So in that manner, we would talk about how can we set up systems during the workday so that when you're [00:11:00] done with work, you can give yourself that. Break to UN people or not people, and then enjoy time with your family. It could be that you are doing so many jobs in business and it's time to start delegating the things, so then when you get home.
You're not so exhausted to be able to spend time with your family, or it could be that you feel so confident in what you do, but you don't feel so confident in being a parent and doing the personal things. Right. Doing the. People things, and that can be where we work together to really figure out who do you wanna be as a parent, how do you wanna show up as a parent?
What's going on right now? And let's get some tangible tools to help you be successful with your family as well.
It could be that you [00:12:00] have this baseline of overwhelm, anxiety, and frustration, and if this is you, it could be that we need to come in there and do some nervous system resetting. We need to figure out how we can. Put in some self-care into your daily activity. We really need to help your body figure out how to relax.
It could be that you don't even know how to relax anymore. You don't even know how to take a break anymore. And so figuring out how can we calm your nervous system down? How can we bring you out of the fight flight fawn freezer flop state, and how can we start building you back up again Where you are able to navigate through life and bring down that overwhelm, anxiety, and frustration, and bring it down from a 10, maybe 2 0 7, and then a 5 and down to a two. I never tell people. [00:13:00] I can make it all go away because our nervous system, our wiring is there, it's not going away.
However, we can work on those tools to help you get where you want to go and enjoy your life a little bit more.
Self-discovery can also help when people approach and they say to me. Theresa, I don't know what's going on with me. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was fine and the next thing I knew, something came up in my head and I was thinking about something that happened with a friend 5 years ago, and I started going over and over and over that thing and I couldn't stop.
And then before I knew it, I was feeling absolutely terrible about myself. I was feeling like I don't know how to make friends. I don't know how to be a person. I don't know how to do the people-ing thing. Why should I try? Anyways, I'll just give up. So whether you have something that your brain is [00:14:00] chewing on, that was maybe a week ago, a couple of days ago, 5 years ago, or 10 years ago, and you're chewing on this thing, let's work on it together. ND people, we love to solve problems. That's what makes us so brilliant, right? In what we do. We have this unique way of visualizing things. We have this unique way of being able to problem solve and look at things in so many different facets and dimensions, right? So this makes us those top thinkers that we can solve problems in our own way. What we can also do is we can choose problems that are not solvable, and this is like torture for us, right?
So then we start thinking of the thing that we want to solve, whether it was an interaction with someone, or maybe it was something that happened that hurt you years ago and you're thinking about it and you're trying to [00:15:00] process it still 5 years later. Or you're thinking about that social interaction and you're thinking about what you said, how you said, what they said, how they said, are they ever gonna be friends with me again?
Do they like me at all? All of the things, and these are kind of some of the examples of unsolvable problems. So what happens if you get an unsolvable problem? You go down the spiral, so there's the rumination. This is us trying to solve a problem. This can be helpful if we're solving a problem that is solvable.
If we have a rumination of a problem that we cannot solve, it can go down to a spiral. And then what happens is all of those negative past things come up, all the evidence, your brain will find all of the evidence of all of the things that you did wrong and that support the fact of all of these spiral thoughts, right?
It [00:16:00] will tell you that you don't know what you're doing, and. You can't be friends and maybe you just can't have relationships or maybe you're just not good enough, or maybe you can never trust yourself 'cause you've let yourself down before. And this is what I mean by the spiral. So I really do separate rumination and spiral.
Apart because when you are in rumination, we very much can teach you some tools, tangible tools to help you get out of the rumination of problems that you cannot solve, things you have no control over, right? You have no control over what someone thinks, feels, or says about you. We have absolutely no control over other people. We have no control over what someone does or says or acts towards us, especially if it was 5 years ago or 10 years ago.
I'm not taking the steam out of how that makes you [00:17:00] feel in the moment when you're thinking about it. You really can bring it back up and those old hurts can feel. Just as real today as they did 5 years ago or 10 years ago. What I am saying is when you get the tangible tools to be able to utilize, to stop the ruminations and stop the spirals. That can help you discover a way to pull yourself up and out. Pull yourself into a more positive mindset, a more positive feeling, state. When you are deep into self-discovery, what can happen? Sometimes people's relationships bring them to me and sometimes we're working on other things, but then relationships will come up, right? When people come to me and they wanna talk about relationships and we are really deep into self-discovery, [00:18:00] what can happen is we are starting to kind of pick threads out of a yarn. You know, like you think of a big ball of yarn and you're pulling out one thread at a time, or you're detangling them. And when we're.
Really understanding ourselves and we're getting into our own personal, unique self-discovery, and we're understanding our wiring and our nervous system type and our communication methods and all of the things, it can really help us with our relationships. In all aspects of our lives. So it can help with business relationships, it can help with personal relationships, spousal relationships, family relationships, relationship between parent and child, and getting those tools to be able to pause and, oh, here is the part where [00:19:00] that bolt of.
Anger or rage came from. That's my nervous system setting, acting or reacting to something. And while that is not in my control, it is in my control to pause and take a deep breath or take a break and readdress this situation. There are so many different ways when you are.
Genuinely discovering who you are and who you want to be and how you wanna show up in this world and how it is interplaying in all of the different aspects of your life. It is one of the most powerful tools. It is the foundation to help you find your calm confidence and unapologetically you. I love you all.
Take care. Bye-bye.
Hey friends, thank you so much for joining me today. If you got an aha moment. [00:20:00] I would absolutely love to hear from you. Please like, subscribe, comment, and share. If you want to be part of an amazing group of neurodivergent human beings and share some of the love and the magic in a community where you belong, that's safe and nonjudgmental, click the link below and join our NeuroTribe community today.
Love you all. Take care. Bye.
