What it is really like being ND parent
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[00:00:00] Hey friends. Welcome back to the Neuro Tribe. I am so grateful all of you are here. Do you know what else I'm grateful for? When people send me a message or a comment or comment on, , my YouTube or comment on my Facebook or my LinkedIn account, or my Instagram or my Threads, or even on my main page of Facebook .
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Does this sound familiar to you? You are working, you're totally into whatever project you are working on, and you get a phone call that says. Hi, I am the vice principal. Just wanted to let you know that your kid got stuck into a chair at band today. Uh, we had to call 9 1 1. They're working to get him on.
Stuck as we speak and you know, we'll, we'll call you back or email you when he is safely out of the chair. We're not entirely sure why he got stuck in the chair, but we'll call you or email you right after we get him unstuck from the chair. But please do have a conversation tonight about how you can be safe sitting on a chair.
Yep. Typical, typical neurodivergent [00:02:00] parent conversation. Here's another one in an IEP meeting. You think that everything that you're saying is this great thing that you're saying, you think that you're advocating for your kid, you think that they're going to get all of the things that you're asking for because as their parent, it makes.
Sense, you know your kid most and they have the ability to do these things, so why don't they just do them right? And your positive thinking and you know that things are gonna go well. And then the other side of the table says, yeah, we don't have that available except for, you know, they do 'cause they're another kid.
Who is a friend is getting that same thing they say that they can't do. And so you're wondering, is this a language that I need to learn or no? The answer is yes. By the way, always get your [00:03:00] handbook, always read it. If you need an advocate, get the advocate. They know what they're talking about, you know? So then you leave the meeting.
You're feeling confused. You are feeling frustrated, you're feeling defeated, and you have to go back to work, whether it's at home or at a location. And it's hard to compartmentalize raising neurodivergent kids and then also being neurodivergent and running a business or working. There. Also, if you are neurodivergent, there's this other main thing that we can talk about of how much executive functioning it takes to be neurodivergent.
And have neurodivergent kids especially. 'cause you have to save everything. You have to save everything in [00:04:00] files. You have to save all of the emails from the teacher, all the emails from the district, all the emails from the principal. Then there's the emails from the vice principal, there's the voicemails they've left.
There's the text message that they have sent you on talking points. It go, the list goes on. You have to save it all and store it. Because you most likely will need it. As a parent of a neurodivergent kid, that is torture for us. That's absolute torture for us. It is so stinking hard. And then it could be that maybe you didn't do the best at that, or maybe you didn't do that at all because nobody told you this is a good idea to do.
Right? So then you're working with your advocate or you're working with your lawyer and they ask you, can you please send me every single thing that you have from the school and the school district and all of the people involved, [00:05:00] and make sure it's dated, so it's in order. Chronological order. What? But that's a thing.
What is going on? I can't do that. That's so hard. Do you have any idea how hard that is? It's really hard for someone that has executive functioning. It can be that you are. In this huge project, you're working lots of hours, you are exhausted. Then you need to come home and you love your kids like nobody's business.
They are your heart. They are the biggest thing that you have in your life. They're your best friends and your kids, and you love spending time with them, and you're exhausted. And then you come home and you have to maintain your emotional management as a neurodivergent [00:06:00] person, which can be hard because our central nervous system really reacts sometimes.
And so it's that needing to pause and take a deep breath in order to address our kids in a way that we want to, when we want to show up that way. And then there's those times where you can't because it's hard and you yell at your kid and then you spend the rest of the day or the next day beating yourself up 'cause you yelled.
And that's never been the parent you wanted to be. And it happened and it sucks. You have this really big project. So you come home, you're trying to talk to the kids, you're trying to get things done with them and you, and then you walk in and you think to yourself, what in the world happened to you? Why do you have a black eye?
And then the kid tells you about the black eye, and you're thinking, how? How did that happen on school grounds? And the school didn't even call me and tell me about it. How am I coming home and [00:07:00] seeing my kid harmed and nobody picked up the phone or sent an email about it? Then before you know it, you're getting locked in a court case.
You are working with the school, trying to set up safety plans with the school. You're trying to figure out what happened, you're find, trying to figure out who did it, and all of a sudden the school starts asking you questions, wondering why you're a good parent, or if their kid is safe at home and trying to all of a sudden send you emails and voicemails about how your kid misbehaved here and your kid misbehaved here and you're thinking, what in the world?
I've never had ever, ever, ever had any of these inquiries or reports. In fact, just a couple of months ago, they were telling me how great my kid was. And now after my kid gets injured and I am advocating for his rights, and I am asking why this happened and why I [00:08:00] wasn't told and create a safety plan and OSPI or you know, a lawyer is involved and I'm just trying to figure out how to keep my kids safe.
And it seems like the school is now wanting to paint this picture about your kid and about you. And it's going in the files. It's going in the files, and now you don't feel quite safe at the school and you don't feel like your kid is safe at the school and you don't know what to do. So maybe you might wanna do a transfer and put the kid in another school.
Maybe that would help. This is the thing that I'm talking about. You're still doing this big project. You have to have a lot of focus. You can't get a lot of sleep, but now you're stuck in the mud with trying to figure out how to keep, keep your kids safe. You're trying to keep. [00:09:00] Hold of your emotional management.
You're trying to take care of yourself because it's really hard when you are literally working two jobs, which that's what it feels like when you have neurodivergent kids. It feels frustrating that these people that are supposed to have your back, that's supposed to have your kids' back that we're supposed to trust are.
Actually building a case against you instead of just helping you out, which doesn't make sense why there can't be this bridge. Why does it feel like we have to have specific language that we have to learn and all of the things, right? Being a neurodivergent parent with Neurodivergent kids is. Trying to create play dates so your kids could find kids, other kids to be friends with, and volunteering at the school to make sure your kid is safe and [00:10:00] being included.
And being totally exhausted and going to bed every single night thinking of all of the things that you didn't do. Rather all of think of all of the things that you did do, and now you're running behind on your project. You're totally exhausted. You're needing to get this project done. Other people are counting on you to get this project done, and you just feel like you went to war and your nervous system is all a wreck and that.
Is when you come to me and we start working on things and we start unraveling all of the mess and we start helping your nervous system and we really learn to figure out how your neuro wiring is affecting life daily life. All of the things. Bring your nervous system down, bring down the anxiety, help you figure out how to put systems in place so you're not so tired all of the time.
Figuring out how to [00:11:00] delegate, figuring out when and where to ask for help, and. How do you even ask for help? Who am I supposed to ask for help for and when do I need to do the thing of beyond advocating from myself to the school, but actually ask for outside counsel? Or how do I just survive through this project and get through the project and be the parent that you want to be without?
Yelling at your kids without going in your room and watching Netflix and closing and locking the door without having a panic attack in the bathroom, without going days on, days without taking a shower or struggling to brush your teeth because everything feels like too much right now. That is what the neuro tribe is for.
You have a place [00:12:00] where you belong. You're understood and it's safe to say anything besides harming yourself. I call a line on that. If you feel like harming yourself, you really do need to call outside attention and working with the neuro tribe and a therapist is a great combo, by the way. I love you all. Take care.
Bye-bye.
Hey friends, thank you so much for joining me today. If you got an aha moment. I would absolutely love to hear from you. Please like, subscribe, comment, and share. If you want to be part of an amazing group of neurodivergent human beings and share some of the love and the magic in a community where you belong, that's safe and nonjudgmental, click the link below and join our neuro Tribe community today.[00:13:00]
Love you all. Take care. Bye.
