Why You're Not Actually Behind: Breaking Free from Neurodivergent Timeline Pressure

July 30, 2025

"I feel behind."

Whether you're in your teens, twenties, or midlife, if you're neurodivergent, you've probably thought these exact words.

That persistent feeling that you're not where you're "supposed to be" at your age isn't a personal failure - it's the predictable result of growing up in systems that weren't designed for how your brain works.

In this episode, Theresa tackles one of the most pervasive struggles in the neurodivergent experience: the crushing feeling of being "behind" in life. She explores how deficit-focused systems, neurotypical timelines, and comparison culture create this illusion, and provides a powerful reframe that honors different developmental paths and processing styles.

What You'll Discover:

Why neurodivergent individuals across all ages commonly feel "behind" in life
How deficit-focused educational and social systems create false "behind" narratives
The myth of universal life timelines and why they don't account for divergent thinking
How comparison to neurotypical peers and social media creates unrealistic expectations
Why the "othered" experience requires intentional community and self-discovery work
How to reframe goals and timelines to honor your authentic developmental path

Practical Tools Covered:

Recognition framework for identifying when "behind" feelings are system-created vs. personal
Comparison trap awareness - social media, peer pressure, family timeline expectations
Goal reframing that honors neurodivergent processing styles and timelines
Community-seeking strategies for breaking isolation and "othered" feelings
Self-discovery approaches that build authentic life direction

Resources Mentioned:

NeuroTribe Community membership for ongoing support and validation
Theresa's coaching services for personalized goal-setting and life design

Related Episodes:

"Bad Days Aren't Backslides" - understanding non-linear progress in all life areas
"You Don't Need Fixing" - self-discovery vs. behavior modification approaches
"Grieving Your 'Normal' Life" - processing expectations vs. reality

Coming Up Next Week:

Next week we're diving into three little words that might be sabotaging your executive function and keeping you stuck in that "behind" feeling: "should," "need," and "have to." Theresa shares how transforming your internal language can dramatically shift your relationship with tasks and reduce that overwhelming pressure that makes everything feel harder.

Connect with Theresa:

Ready to be part of a community that celebrates different timelines and honors your unique journey? The NeuroTribe is where neurodivergent individuals find acceptance, practical support, and the permission to thrive on their own terms. Your timeline is valid here.

Join The NeuroTribe:
https://theresa-minnoch-6a60.mykajabi.com/offers/zPgWxGbi/checkout

Join The NeuroTribe 20's LaunchPad:
https://theresa-minnoch-6a60.mykajabi.com/offers/fJTZGd3Y/checkout

Download Free Toolkit:
https://theresa-minnoch-6a60.mykajabi.com/offers/nrzT59yp/checkout

The NeuroTribe Podcast is hosted by Theresa Minnoch, a neurodivergent life and business coach who helps neurodivergent individuals create authentic, sustainable lives that honor their unique wiring. Each episode provides practical tools, community connection, and the permission to be exactly where you are in your journey.

Subscribe & Share: If this episode helped you realize you're not actually behind, please subscribe and share it with someone who needs to hear that their different timeline is perfectly valid. Together we can reach more neurodivergent individuals who need to know they belong exactly where they are.

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Episode Transcript

GMT20250703-204227 - Feeling Behind - PODCAST
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[00:00:00] Welcome back to the Neuro Tribe. I am so grateful to have all of you here. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I would absolutely love if you guys would download this episode and share with your friends so we can keep our community growing and rising up together.

Have you ever thought to yourself as a neurodivergent person that you are behind? You know what's so interesting is no matter what age I talk to, whether it's in the teens, the twenties, or midlife, it is so commonly said, "I feel behind." "I feel like I am not at the place in life where I'm supposed to be."

This is going to give you some really clear indications and also some ways that you can help yourself come out of that thought-feeling loop that we tend to get in.[00:01:00]

Number one, we grew up in systems that were not created for us. And so what ended up happening as we grew up is our strengths were not brought to the forefront. In fact, it was our challenges, the things that we needed support with that were more often talked about, experienced... That was more prominent for us. Whether it was people telling us or us noticing it for ourselves.

And we also had this idea as we looked around: "Why is it so easy for them?" "Why is it so easy for these other people to talk and make friends, to get their homework done, to get As and Bs on the test?"

Or maybe you are in the gifted realm and it was so easy for you to pass tests, but it was really, really [00:02:00] hard for you to navigate through anxiety. Right?

So we have a lot in our complexity that we have these strengths and we have these challenges. And when we have the focus on our challenges, it makes us feel like we are behind. So that feeling-thought loop starts really young.

The other aspect of that thought is: there is a natural sequence that we are taught to live. You go to grade school, you go to middle school or junior high, you go to high school, you go to college, you graduate college, you get married, you have kids, and life is great.

Only, that's not the way that it looks for everyone. And especially being divergent thinkers, we might not have that plan out for us. And so we challenge ourselves. And we [00:03:00] challenge what the norms are and what that's supposed to look like. And it can be that because we have this thought-feeling loop of "we are behind," it can in essence keep creating itself.

Also, we compare ourselves to our neurotypical counterparts. And that kind of has us feeling behind. Right? I mean, I have talked to 20 somethings that have a job, have a career, and they feel behind because they don't have a partner or they haven't gotten married yet, or they haven't bought a place. But a lot of people don't buy a place until they're in their thirties or forties. So, this comparison isn't really fair.

There's also the aspect of: how are you behind? What are you thinking that you're behind [00:04:00] in? What's the goal? Because if you don't have a goalpost, then you have no way to be able to step up to the plate and get to that goalpost, right? It's just this illusion of: "I in my brain, I thought at this age I was supposed to be at this level doing this thing."

And listen friends, that's not the way it is all the time. It doesn't mean you can't get to your goals. It doesn't mean you can't get to your desired outcome of where you want to be in life. That's actually totally possible given the right supports and the right community. But, it also doesn't mean that you are behind. I have had so many conversations about this I Am Behind.

And then when we dig and we dig and we dig deeper. It is, in fact, this [00:05:00] comparison, this imposter syndrome that is coming up of, "Well, this person that I went to school with is doing X, Y, Z." "This person, that's my cousin, has X, Y, Z." "This person that's my relative at this time had traveled the world and done this and that and the other."

And that is not what's happening in your story right here, right now. And that doesn't mean anything's gone wrong. And I think that's important to think about and process and really consider. Right. What is it that is making you feel like you are behind? What is it that you are thinking that you are supposed to be at right now, at this age?

And is it that you're comparing yourself to one person? Are you comparing yourself to people on social media? Do you just feel like [00:06:00] everybody is experiencing this right now and you are not? There is so much that we grew up with that we had a different experience than those around us, and so we felt "othered."

And that "othered" doesn't go away easily. We have to break the cycle within ourselves and get that really deep understanding of ourselves and acceptance of ourselves and discovery within ourselves to be able to embrace ourselves and our path and move forward towards our goals.

So, if you are ready to move forward towards your goals and you are done feeling like you are othered and you want a community that is going to support you and accept you, and it's safe and you belong, [00:07:00] I would love for you to reach out to me and join the NeuroTribe.

I love you all. Take care. Bye-bye.

Hey friends, thank you so much for joining me today. If you got an aha moment. I would absolutely love to hear from you. Please like, subscribe, comment, and share. If you want to be part of an amazing group of neurodivergent human beings and share some of the love and the magic in a community where you belong, that's safe and nonjudgmental, click the link below and join our neuro Tribe community today.

Love you all. Take care. Bye.