Ruminating thoughts after a conversation
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[00:00:00] Do you ever have a conversation, and then either hours later or right after you left, or maybe even the next day or few days, you ruminate over the conversation.
You worry about:
"Did I come off wrong?"
"Did they understand me?"
"Are they judging me?"
"Do they like me?"
"Did I say something wrong?"
"Did I make a mistake?" "
"Gosh, I feel so stupid."
"Did I look like an idiot there? I'm not sure."
"What if they don't wanna be friends with me anymore 'cause they don't really get what I was saying?"
Or: "What if I didn't look professional there?
I need to be professional if I'm going to be showing up as a representative of my business."
If this sounds like you stay tuned.
One thing that you can do is you can write down anything that you remember of the conversation.
I'm talking about just the facts, not the [00:01:00] feelings, not what you think they said.
Just the facts.
What can happen in these situations is a lot of thought processes and almost this backtracking of:
"Well, when I said this, I meant this, and I think they thought this, or maybe they thought I was saying this or meaning this, and that's not what I was meaning. Oh my gosh, what if they're mad at me? What if they're upset with me?
What if, what if? What if?"
Write down all of the facts, just the facts, not the feelings, not what you think they mean, not what you think they think it means, but just the facts.
Read the facts over again and ask yourself,
"Did I say what I was intending to say here?"
Let's face it, folks, a lot of us neurodivergent people we're transparent, so we say what we mean.
There [00:02:00] are also a subset of us that are people pleasers, and so we say things that we think that they want to hear, but that's not actually what we meant.
So it's important to write this down and decide for yourself:
"Did I come off the way I wanted to?"
Or: "Did I say that because I thought that's what they wanted to hear?"
Let's face it, we live in a world that just wasn't made for us.
It makes it even more so when there's misinformation put out on the ethernet.
There's misinformation on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube...
There also is a lot of instances where: "this is normal to do in a conversation."
I have seen things like: "If you want to be respected in conversation, make eye contact."
For some of us that doesn't work.
I've also seen [00:03:00] other instances where: "If someone is fidgeting while talking to you, it means that they're hiding something and they're not trustworthy."
That doesn't apply to neurodivergent folks.
I think taking who you are and showing up as who you are and being authentic to yourself...
You can even say things like:
" I prefer to have very transparent conversations and open communication."
It could also be that you say: I" don't always make eye contact. Sometimes it's easier for me to look away so I can process what you're saying. It doesn't mean that I disrespect you. It means that that's how I process things."
If this is someone you don't know or you've never met before, and this is a new encounter, feel free and advocate for yourself.
If you are worried about someone judging you, that might happen. There is a lot of [00:04:00] ignorance in the world.
There is without a doubt a lack of neuro-cultural acceptance.
If you are ruminating over all of the things that you may have done right or done wrong... I'm not saying it's not gonna happen, but I am saying you can put your mind somewhat at ease by writing it all down, or even voice-to-text it down so you can look back and see if you showed up the way that you want to show up.
If someone is judging you or misunderstands you, unfortunately that's not on you. That is for them to work out.
Now, if they come to you and they ask you:
"What did you mean by this?"
That is a great opportunity to have a conversation.
But if they quietly walk away and they completely misjudge you, then that is showing a [00:05:00] lack of their qualities, not a lack of your qualities.
That is showing ignorance to a neuro-culture that really needs to be better explained and show up in the world.
It says more about them than it does you.
I think this is a flip because we were raised in a culture where we have been so misunderstood.
And so there's that trauma response and there's the ruminating thoughts, and there was so many times where we didn't fit in.
That need and want to fit in, that need and want to "do it right" can be overwhelming.
It can take a lot of effort and energy on our part.
It's really important to start to unmask.
I spent a lot of my time and my life ruminating over conversations and situations.
Going back and trying to explain myself [00:06:00] or saying,
"I hope you don't think that..."
or "I hope you're not mad at me because...",
The more that I have unmasked those layers, I notice that I intentionally choose people in my life that accept me for who I am, my neuro-complexity and all.
Now, I live my life with people that come to me if they misunderstand or they have any kind of question about a situation or a conversation.
They come to me and talk to me and ask.
It opens us up for a closer communication and closer relationship.
If any of this drives a note in you that you feel : "I wanna know more about this!"
I would love for you to get a free copy of my course that is in the Neuro Tribe, Neurodivergent Stress Toolkit.
If [00:07:00] you are ready to just jump in and be around a community that totally loves and accepts and embraces you, you have a place that's safe and you belong...
Join the neuro tribe today. Find the link in the show notes.
Bye.
Hey friends, thank you so much for joining me today. If you got an aha moment. I would absolutely love to hear from you. Please like, subscribe, comment, and share. If you want to be part of an amazing group of neurodivergent human beings and share some of the love and the magic in a community where you belong, that's safe and nonjudgmental, click the link below and join our neuro Tribe community today.
Love you all. Take care. Bye.
