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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Neurotribe, the podcast where authenticity meets empowerment. Your host, Teresa, is a certified business executive and life coach, navigating the intricate tapestry of neurodiversity. She's someone blessed with ADHD and dyslexia, and gifted a widow and a mother. To four incredible Neurodiverse children.
So each episode of the Neuro Tribe is an intimate exploration of life, love, business, and parenting through the lens of neurodiversity. Subscribe to the Neuro tribe on your favorite podcast platform or on YouTube and never miss a story. And if you really like this show, be sure to like, subscribe, rate, and of course share the podcast with anyone.
Join us on this unfiltered journey where no topic is too challenging, [00:01:00] no triumph too small. Let's unravel the layers of our community's experiences, embracing the struggles, celebrating the gifts, and finding empowerment and authenticity in every episode. And let's start right now.
Hey friends, welcome back to the Neurotribe. ~One of the groups of people that I work with is neurodivergent 20 somethings, and a lot of time I will have parents find me, And they really want to help their 20 something succeed. They are either entering into college and wanting some support, or they maybe are getting out of college and transitioning into adulthood.~
~And they don't want to micromanage as a parent anymore, but they still want their 20 something kid to succeed. ~Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling like you totally had an understanding with the person that you were talking to, to later then find out that they had a different understanding of the conversation that you did?
An example that I could give you is what I refer to as a compliment sandwich. This compliment sandwich often comes from people in the workplace or a boss or some sort of leadership team. It also can come from someone who is a people pleaser. The compliment sandwich looks like this. They will say something like, You [00:02:00] did a really good job doing X, Y, Z.
I noticed that it only took you 15 minutes to get X, Y, Z done. However, it takes other people an hour to an hour and a half to do X, Y, Z. While you did a great job, I would like you to be more thorough. And what can happen is some of my clients can think, Wow, I did a great job.
They said I did a great job and I only did it in 15 minutes. So it is a win win situation. What the hidden message here is I would like you to be more thorough next time. And while that was said, it wasn't very clear in our neuro spicy friends minds, right?
Because they heard good job. So one of the things that I work on with my clients is asking clarifying [00:03:00] questions. For instance, one clarifying question you could ask here is, I heard that you said that I did a great job.
You also said I only took 15 minutes and other people that do the same job take an hour to an hour and a half. May I have a checklist or pictures showing me how you would like it to be done? Or is there a difference between me doing it in 15 minutes and someone else doing it in an hour?
Is there anything that I missed that you would like me to do more thoroughly? Or are there certain things that you felt like I did a good job in and other areas that you would like me to improve? May I please have a detailed list? Those are some very simple, clarifying questions. This can open the conversation for more clear communication. Another thing that's [00:04:00] so helpful is advocating for yourself and saying, I really value transparent, clear communication. So if you could tell me if you want something from me or you want me to be doing something more for you.
Thoroughly. I need to know exactly what that is. This gives you the ability to feel empowered and create clear communication expectations and boundaries. This can help create more connection with the person that you are. Working with or your boss. It also allows you to empower yourself by asking for transparent and clear communication along with written word or a checklist that can be so helpful for you to be able to do your job and feel good about it.
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Have you ever gotten upset [00:05:00] about a changed circumstance and felt like you have to pick having boundaries and honoring how you feel over appearing rigid by explaining to someone that you agreed on one thing and now that has changed. Let's talk about how we can help you in the changed circumstance.
So let's give an example. Let's say someone says, I would like you to come in for an interview, plan for about an hour and I'll see you such and such a day at such and such in time. So in your mind, you've. put that in the schedule. You have your time. You show up 15 minutes early. You go through the interview and maybe the interviewer feels that they have more questions that haven't been answered yet. And they need more time with you or they [00:06:00] want more time with you. Maybe they have done the interview, but they are asking you back for a second and or third interview. And in your mind, you have already agreed to that one interview and you're not sure why they are wanting more of your time. How you might feel in this situation is hang on. Wait a minute. We agreed on one hour. I mentally prepared for one hour and now I'm feeling a bit thrown off that it is going over our allotted time.
You might feel nervousness or a little bit of dysregulation thinking to yourself what do I do now? Do I honor the way I'm feeling and ~accept it?~ Express we agreed on one hour mentally I prepared for one hour and now you're changing things. That makes me feel overwhelmed and unsettled. And if you say something, you might be at risk of looking too [00:07:00] rigid.
What might help in this situation is saying something along the lines of I understand that you are needing more than an hour from me. I'm just curious. What is it that you are looking for? Or are there some questions that you need to have answered to get a better understanding of how I work or how I would fit in the work environment.
Another way of saying this is I understand that you want to go over our hour interview. I'm wondering if you could clarify with me what you would like to learn from me in this time.
In the case that they had a first interview and want to come back for a second interview, one thing that you could say is, I understand you want me to come back for a second interview and I am grateful for the opportunity. I'm wondering what you are looking for in this second interview so I [00:08:00] can better plan and prepare.
Being able to adapt to what they need and also maintain and uphold your own boundaries. So you're creating that trust within yourself that you feel good and empowered. So something you could say is, I understand that you would like some more time. I would love to learn what you would like to learn from me or what you're looking for.
And I'd love to be able to schedule a time to come back so I can feel like I'm fully prepared for our next interview. ~ ~ Advocating for yourself as a neurodivergent individual isn't always saying no or having that. First reaction of saying no. It's also about clarifying what they're needing and what you are needing, and it is helping you and them better understand the type of communication that works.
Asking those [00:09:00] clarifying questions really help you set yourself up for success along with the people that you are working with, whether it's a work person or a friend or even a partner.
So the next time you feel like you walked away from a situation or you're feeling unclear because there's mixed messages, clarifying questions can be your superpower. I love you all. Thank you. Take care. See you in the Neurotribe.
