Reading between the lines
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Neurotribe, the podcast where authenticity meets empowerment. Your host, Teresa, is a certified business executive and life coach, navigating the intricate tapestry of neurodiversity. She's someone blessed with ADHD and dyslexia, and gifted a widow and a mother. To four incredible Neurodiverse children.
So each episode of the Neuro Tribe is an intimate exploration of life, love, business, and parenting through the lens of neurodiversity. Subscribe to the Neuro tribe on your favorite podcast platform or on YouTube and never miss a story. And if you really like this show, be sure to like, subscribe, rate, and of course share the podcast with anyone.
Join us on this unfiltered journey where no topic is too challenging, [00:01:00] no triumph too small. Let's unravel the layers of our community's experiences, embracing the struggles, celebrating the gifts, and finding empowerment and authenticity in every episode. And let's start right now.
Welcome to the neuro tribe. I'm so glad you guys are all here today. We are going to be talking about the burden of being a neurodivergent person. And how we are expected and assumed that we are going to come to the same nonverbal conclusions as maybe our counterparts or peers.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone was upset with you and you had no idea why? And when you went to seek to understand and connect with them, you realize that they are upset with you for ~not, for you not~ being able to understand what they're thinking and [00:02:00] feeling and needing without communicating those to you.
Yes, friends, it is so difficult when you have any kind of relationship, whether it's a friendship or a partner or someone at work, and they are wanting you to be able to read their body language.
They are wanting you to be able to understand what they're thinking and feeling, and they're not clearly and transparently communicating with you.
It can be so crazy making, and it's so challenging. For us neurodivergent individuals where this is not our strong suit. And so we very much want that open and clear and transparent . For
neurodivergent individuals, this can be an often miscommunication and misconception. [00:03:00] And this leads us to ~be, ~feel like we are so misunderstood. ~Even our ~Even though we know what our thoughts are, we know what our intentions are and how we think and feel about the different situations, we can have people completely misunderstand us due to ~The fact that we simply don't, ~the fact that we simply don't have the strength of being able to read body language or come to the same conclusions of what someone is thinking and feeling.
~I don't know if I just repeated myself twice. You might need to edit. I don't know. I might have. I do that sometimes.~
These kind of miscommunications can lead us to trauma responses, and it's not from a lack of what our intentions are or how we're thinking and feeling. It is the way that we process information that is happening in the misunderstandings and [00:04:00] miscommunication. But what that does is it ~that ~leaves that lasting trauma response for us.~ Okay.
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~What can happen in these situations is we neurodivergent individuals are expected to read the room or read body language and I already went that. Okay.~
~Okay. ~With a lifetime of feeling like we need to read the room or read between the lines. These are common things that people say, and we don't come up with the same conclusions. Even though we know what we're thinking, we know what we're feeling. That type of misunderstanding ~can lead to a trauma response of feeling like, I need to say feeling like again, hang on.~ This can lead to this trauma response of feeling like we're missing something. And this can lead to overthinking and anxiety driven, ruminating thoughts.
When we get into a situation where we feel like we've been misunderstood or someone is upset with [00:05:00] us for not coming to the same conclusions or not. ~ ~Just knowing what they're thinking and feeling without that explicit communication, ~it can really pull up that RDS in us, that rejection sensitive I'm just, okay, hang on.~
So that can really bring up ~RDS for us,~ our rejection sensitivity. ~And. It can leave us feeling completely blindsided by how someone is upset with us for us not being able to really, for,
~
~okay, for, ~and it can leave us feeling blindsided that we didn't inherently know what the person is thinking and feeling and it can be a source of feelings. ~They are, and ~they are disappointed by us not making the right conclusions.
This can also lead us to those ruminating thoughts of what did I miss? How did I miss that? ~What~
~why shouldn't I have known that and ~why didn't they just tell me or talk to me about it? We could have talked it out. We could have talked about what was going on and saved ourselves so much struggle and pain. And it can be ~so painful. ~So painful to feel [00:06:00] like you're to be blamed for the lack of communication that someone else has.
Did not tell you and then now they are frustrated and angry with you about not knowing and it's so confusing.
Think one of the things that's really to note here is this is a very unfair conclusion that it's The neurodivergent person that is at fault here when really it is both parties that are needing to work on the communication, right? Assuming that a neurodivergent person is going to be able to read your thoughts or read your body language or read between the lines.
And if a communication arises where. A neurodivergent person has simply missed the cues. [00:07:00] That is more than one thing, right? That's a time for both sides to be able to talk about what is going on and have that clear and transparent communication.
What I really like to help my clients understand that it is not your fault. It is not your fault that you are being expected to jump to the same conclusions, to read the body language, to read the room, to read between the lines, and to, for lack of better words, mind read. ~There~ Definitely has to be very clear, explicit communication between both sides for any relationship to work, whether you're neurodivergent or not. ~And also being a neurodivergent individual, you really hair sticking straight up.~
~There we go. Okay. ~Understanding that it is not your fault when there is a lack of [00:08:00] explicit communication can be so empowering.
I love to talk at this time about a reframe and the reframe that it is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. ~With any relationship, it is not your fault ~with any relationship. Communication is a two way street. And as a neurodivergent individual advocating for yourself, that you really value clear and transparent communication is how you thrive in relationships.
So helpful is asking, clarifying questions. ~For instance, you could say something like ~for instance, you could say something like, Hey, I want to be able to understand you correctly. Are you saying, and then repeat what they say, and then. Say what you think that means and ask them, ~do I, ~did I get that correctly?
~Or is there something else that you want to say ~or is there something else you want to communicate with me [00:09:00] here?
~Another thing that can be so helpful is saying something. ~Another thing that can be so helpful is being very direct and saying, what works best is just telling me directly.
You do find yourself in a situation where someone is frustrated ~and ~or angry with you or disappointed because you did not read the cues. Please understand that this is not your fault. Let's release the shame and the guilt for not being able to read between the lines. This is a communication issue from both sides and it is not your fault and there's nothing wrong with you.
~Okay, hang on. Wanted to say that instead. ~Releasing that guilt and shame that it is your fault and understanding that ~their lack of communication is not, ~their lack of communication is not your failure.
Miscommunication is common no matter where you are. ~Also, node, nope. ~Also knowing and understanding that it's [00:10:00] not always the neurodivergent person that is in the misunderstanding when direct and clear communication is not being shared both ways.
~To be in a relationship, no matter what that relationship is, where you feel respected. Lucas! I'm recording! Lucas! Lucas!~
~Hopefully, I don't know. I don't know if you can hear the arguing and yelling, hopefully you can get it out of there. Okay. You deserve to be in a relationship, no matter what that relationship is, where you feel heard and respected. Where, okay ~you deserve to be in a relationship, no matter what that relationship is, whether it's friendships, ~relationships, ~Relationships, partnership, work where your needs are also respected and you are accepted for who you are and your style of communication.
~Clear communication wait, hang on. Clear communication benefits everyone. The more we normalize clear, transparent, and honest communication, the more we can help people have deeper, fuller relationships. More connected relationships more connected relationships. Hang on. I feel like I have to redo that whole thing. Clear communication. Okay. ~Clear communication benefits everyone. The more we have clear, transparent, honest communication, the more we better relationships for everyone, and the more connected we can feel.
~It,~
~having this clear communication, is being able to have a relationship with love and kindness and acceptance. ~If you enjoyed this episode, I would absolutely love for you to check out some of my other episodes and ~join us in the NeuroTribe. Join us in our Neuro ~Join us in the NeuroTribe. I love you all.
Take care. Bye bye. ~ ~
