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Hey friends, welcome back. I am so grateful to have all of you here, my Nervo tribe. You know, it's interesting, we're in fall and
we are getting closer to Halloween, which my kids love dressing up, going trick or treating. For me, it's a little bit harder time of year because my husband, his favorite holiday was Halloween and he loved the fall and I absolutely love the fall as well. So for me, it's kind of this, I absolutely love everything about fall and I'm also grieving.
So I have been kind of having days where it's a little bit. More of a grief wave and then days where I just kind of feel at peace with it. So what I'm noticing is the days that I feel like my [00:01:00] grief is a little bit more. I put on my wedding ring and I wear my wedding ring and I just allow myself to feel everything that I'm feeling.
Today, I am going to talk about what I call owning yourself. And what's so interesting is I have so many people that ask me, what does that actually mean? And some people will say, does that mean taking accountability for yourself?
And. In a sense, yes. But I really feel like there's more to it. So I want to kind of dive into this subject matter and share it with you and see what all of your thoughts are.I would love to hear all of your guys's feedback, whether it's leaving a comment or writing me an email, Teresa at Teresa Minnott. com. So my name is spelled T H E R E S A. [00:02:00] at t h e r e s a m i n n o c h dot com.
So owning yourself, taking accountability and responsibility for your complete experience in life. I think that it's really interesting because we very much live in a society where It's kind of like keeping up with the Joneses, right? You look on social media, you look on the TV and the movies, and it really is focusing in on all of the things that are good, all of the relationships that are good.
We really are in the age of media where we see kind of this toxic positivity, right? Of constantly, Staying on all of the positive things and in the process of staying on all of the positive things, it's almost not [00:03:00] acknowledging or refusing to see the hard things
Right. And we will see all of people's vacations. We will see, the good parts of their relationship. We will see everything that is what other people want us to see. Right. And then if you're talking about Hollywood or you're talking about TV stars or actors or movies,they have access to the best. Surgeons and the best dietitians and they physically can take care of themselves in a way that the general population can't, right? But the general population kind of feels like they need to be a certain way, look a certain way, what success is, what relationships look like. And if you look at TV and media, and I've said this [00:04:00] before, But if someone is having a bad day, or if someone is going through a hard time, it very much is messaged, go have a drink, you have a bad day, go have a drink, right, have a bad day.
and do something to distract yourself rather than being present and in the moment and processing through what you're experiencing, what you're going through. If you go through a bad breakup, it's better to go get under someone else, right? And just forget about it. And so what this really does is it's teaching a culture That if you are having a bad day or you are having a feeling that's undesired, then something has gone wrong and you are doing something wrong.
But then what this also does, if you take it a step further, is you never are taking accountability of your own reality. You're [00:05:00] never taking responsibility. For your life. And so it's consistently giving your power away and it's putting your power into the hands of anyone and everyone else around you, which we don't usually think about.
But if you do think about it, Do you really want to be doing that? I don't know. That's above my pay grade. You have to decide for yourself, but let's talk about it. Right? when you own yourself, you are taking full ownership of all of your experience in life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the joy, the beauty, the hardship, the mistakes, the everything, right?
When you are owning yourself, you are owning that you can take control of your own reality.
Now I have a lot of people who will comment on my videos or they'll write in [00:06:00] or I'll have clients and they will always say things. Well, what about the things that are not in your control? I hear you. Things happen that are not in your control. For instance, I am a widow. I did not have control over my husband passing away.
That is not something that I was like, Oop, boop, let's make this happen. No. That's the last thing that I would have wanted to do, and that was outside of my control. But what I do have control of is how I navigate and respond and live my life. Since my husband passing away.
some things that you might be thinking about is, well, I don't have any control. If somebody misunderstands me, I get misunderstood a lot and that's not on me.
You're absolutely right. You don't have any control over [00:07:00] what people think about you, how people feel about you, what Their opinion or understanding of you is right, but what you do have control over is what your thoughts are, what your feelings are, how you want to show up in any given situation.
I have had a lot of comments about, well, I don't have any control how I feel physically in the day. It could be that you are recovering from burnout or you are in burnout. It could be that you have a chronic illness and absolutely you don't have control over how you physically feel in the day.
But this is kind of what I'm talking about with how there is the whole spectrum in our life, right? There is good. There is bad. There are hard things. There are [00:08:00] joyful things. There is things to celebrate and there's things to grieve about, right? So what I mean is no, you don't have control over how you feel on a day to day basis.
If you have a chronic illness, However, you do have control how you take care of yourself mentally, that self talk physically and emotionally when you are having a day that is a rough day, right? So let's talk about maybe some things that might occur that We can take responsibility or accountability for say, for instance, something happens and you react to the situation rather than giving yourself that time to pause and respond to the situation. And looking back on it, you realize, wait a minute, [00:09:00] I don't really like how I showed up there instead of placing or putting any kind of blame on anything else or anyone else.
I say that because I cannot tell you how many coaching sessions I have had. Where people have made a decision or decisions, and they are trying to allow things right take the kind of the blame for them doing or not doing something right say for instance. needing to accomplish something in a project that you have for school or work, but what you say, rather than saying, I apologize, I didn't do my portion of the project. It's more over, Oh, well, you know, I've been so busy and I had a family thing come up and, I'm, [00:10:00] you know, I'm so tired. So I had to sleep in that day.
These are things of not taking accountability and responsibility. These are more excuses, right? So instead of saying, I'm sorry, I didn't complete my portion of the project. It is placing blame outside of yourself, which in an essence is giving away your power.
So let's talk about that. How does a person take accountability for themselves? Number one, taking accountability of yourself means thinking the whole situation through. Thinking about what your actions, what your thoughts, what your intentions were in the situation. Thinking about how your actions impacted other people. Thinking about how [00:11:00] it would have been if you would have made different decisions. Right. And then if there is a situation where you need to apologize, going to said person or organization or boss or partner or whatever, and saying, I admit, or I take responsibility for X, Y, Z. I have thought about this and I apologize for X, Y, Z, and then taking it a step further and making an action plan as to what you're going to do or change differently.
So you can show up for yourself and for the other parties differently to hopefully correct the situation. or change the outcome of the situation, right? So I apologize. This is what I did. I own this as my responsibility [00:12:00] in the situation. I thought about how you might have feltI thought about what your experience might have been.
I sincerely apologize for that. After thinking about it, This is what I would like to do differently. So then I can show up differently next time. What this is doing is this is not placing any blame outside of myself. It is taking complete responsibility for all thought actions and results that I created in my existence.
It's also letting someone else know that you have thought about how it impacted them and you are caring enough to try and change in the future, or not try, but you are. Hearing enough to change in the future. Another [00:13:00] aspect of this is asking yourself, not only how did it impact other people. But how did it impact yourself, right? Maybe you have your own consequences for what happened in this scenario.
part of owning yourself and your experience in life is really fully thinking through your experience in life. So what is going right for you now? What do you want more of in your life?
What do you wish or want in life?
What are some things that you would like to change?Are there some things that are causing you to be uncomfortable or suffering that you can take steps to change that reality, change that situation?
What do you need to do to take control, [00:14:00] to empower yourself? To make steps to create the reality that you are wanting and desiring
asking yourself. Am I blaming anyone or am I blaming other situations for what I am experiencing in life? And then asking yourself, if I am blaming an outside source for. Something that is making me uncomfortable or causing suffering.
what do I have control over that I can tweak or change that does not involve anyone else?
a really good question that I like to challenge people with is do you feel defensive?
for your own reality. Do you feel defensive when you take accountability or responsibility for your part in things? Another question you can ask yourself if you are [00:15:00] not owning yourself is Do I instinctly place blame on other people or outside influences or situations happening in my life?
Now let's start thinking about if we were to empower ourselves, what would it look like if you took complete responsibility and accountability. For your reality, if you took complete responsibility and accountability for different situations going on in your life, asking yourself and really being honest with yourself, what does it do to me? If nothing's my fault, right? If I feel like I'm being blamed, if I take accountability for myself, what is that doing to me? What is that doing to my relationships in my life? What is that doing in my [00:16:00] business or my employer?
what effects does that have in my life? And really being very honest with yourself, not defensive. But super honest with yourself. If you do not take accountability and responsibility for your actions, for the things that you are thinking, the things that you're feeling, the things that you're doing, if you don't take responsibility, what does that do to you?
What effect is that having in your life?
And if you were taking complete responsibility and you were to own yourself, ask yourself, Would you feel empowered? Would you feel capable? Would you feel free? Would you feel confident? Would you feel like you had your own back? Would you feel like you completely owned yourself and could be totally authentic? I love this [00:17:00] subject because What I have noticed over the years is there are so many people that want to back away or hide from taking accountability and responsibilities. And when they get into a curiosity about themselves and about their actions and reactions and about the things that they have done and the reality that they have created, that, friends, is when they're able to completely change their lives.
I love you all. Please like, subscribe, share, and follow.
