Microaggression and Ableism
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Neuro Tribe, the podcast where authenticity meets empowerment. Your host, Teresa, is a certified business executive and life coach, navigating the intricate tapestry of neurodiversity. She's someone blessed with ADHD and dyslexia, and gifted a widow and a mother. To four incredible Neurodiverse children.
So each episode of the Neuro Tribe is an intimate exploration of life, love, business, and parenting through the lens of neurodiversity. Subscribe to the Neuro tribe on your favorite podcast platform or on YouTube and never miss a story. And if you really like this show, be sure to like, subscribe, rate, and of course share the podcast with anyone.
Join us on this unfiltered journey where no topic is too challenging, [00:01:00] no triumph too small. Let's unravel the layers of our community's experiences, embracing the struggles, celebrating the gifts, and finding empowerment and authenticity in every episode. And let's start right now.
Hey friends, welcome back. I am so glad to have all of you here. Just to give you a little heads up. I have been working on my escapism and scrolling through social media and getting lost in my phone. What I have really noticed is there's a lot of huge change and growth. I am getting a lot more done than I had previously been, what I am noticing is I really am getting through a lot of the tasks that I have been put on my plate for a long time and was struggling to get through. When I am noticing that I pick up my phone, I am now able to [00:02:00] allow that urge to be there to scroll through my phone and not get lost in it for 30 minutes, 40 minutes, an hour.
Scroll through social media, even if I'm not interested in what I'm seeing, I still do it. I'm not doing that as much anymore. And I am what the other thing that I have done is I have given myself certain times that I allot to myself for social media. And those times are You know, when I'm putting my kids to bed and I'm just sitting in the room in the dark and there's not really anything to do anyway, I will give myself certain times of the day.
That's an intentional break. I really feel, there's this. Calmness in me. And I feel very grounded and I feel, like I'm very much on track to get to my goals and it was just one thing that I was focusing on [00:03:00] changing. So I'm very grateful for it. It doesn't mean that I don't struggle with executive functioning, but what it does mean is that.
I am not using escape ism in my executive functioning struggles. So thank you for bearing with me. And I love that I get to share all of that with you today. I want to talk about hot subject, and that is micro aggressions and ableism with neurodiversity. I remember this, this subject I've been kind of chewing on for a number of years.
I was part of this women's entrepreneur group and in the entrepreneur group, there was a copywriter who had written something about, and I, again, this is years ago, so I don't have exact words, but I'm going to give you Generalizations, [00:04:00] right? She had written something about how, she finds it very annoying that some people are illiterate and incompetent.
And my comment to her was. I just want you to know you're a copywriter and there are people that have disabilities that struggle with the written word and it doesn't mean they're illiterate or incompetent. She had also said something about it being unprofessional and took a jab at intelligence. What I said was, It could be that someone with a disability such as dyslexia or ADHD or a combination of both or dysgraphia might have a challenge writing, but it doesn't mean that they're incompetent.
It doesn't mean that they're unprofessional. It means that they have something that is in [00:05:00] their mind that they want to say or to share or to add value. And it's not their greatest strength to put it in writing, whether it's, in a text and putting it on social media or putting in an email or writing it out by pencil and paper, it doesn't devalue what they're doing or what they're saying.
It just means that they either, A, need to hire out support or B, they need to seek some, help in some way. And AI wasn't a thing back then, so what I said is, It's really unfortunate if you're a copywriter and you're putting this out there because you're probably one of the first authors.
Hires that a person with dyslexia dysgraphia would hire. These are very real disabilities that are unseen and yet they're slandered in society quite often. [00:06:00] What I got in response was it had to get to the point where the comments needed to be turned off it was. bananas, the things that people were saying. I remember one quote exactly was, people these days are so sensitive, needy, and whiny. Everyone wants special treatment. This is disgusting. I. Was totally shocked. And it really hit me how often I am presented with micro aggressions, either in my life or in my client's life.
One of the comments that was made, I actually distinctly remember it because it really hit me how hard ableism and microaggressions are so societally accepted for me, this comment was almost like the catalyst of helping [00:07:00] me find my niche, right?
People these days are so sensitive, needy and whiny. It's disgusting. Everyone wants special treatment these days. It's disgusting. I really. I was very surprised. What was very apparent is that all of the people that were neurodivergent were kind of piping in, in support of what I was saying.
And then all of the neurotypical people were in there saying that the neurodivergent people were crying wolf. Basically they were faking it or we didn't have anything. To have a leg to stand on and why can't we be grateful and all of the things, right? And one of the things that I think that is so interesting is when I say the word D E and I, most [00:08:00] people do not.
Even put neurodivergent individuals in that category. And what I want to say is why this world was not designed with neurodivergent people in mind. And we have microaggressions daily, and we have ableism daily, and it is definitely time that neurodivergent people start Advocating for our rights. I'm going to give you some examples of some of the microaggressions and ableism.
I'm also going to help you by giving you a definition of what microaggressions are and what ableism is. A microaggression is the act of targeting a marginalized group of individual or group of people. It is a type of discrimination that is either intentional or not intentional. It's [00:09:00] kind of like a subtle put down or a dismissive act towards. A group of people. Ableism is a societal prejudice against a group of people with disabilities, right? So they, they are expecting people with disabilities to be typical devalues and limits the potential of neurodivergent people and people with disabilities. So a very common way is belittling a neurodivergent person's experience, right? For instance, like , asking for, assistive tech technology, or the fact that some. Neurodiversity needs medication and, talking about how we don't need medication. Another thing that can be of note is when people [00:10:00] are assuming that Assuming about disabilities, for instance, autism is a spectrum, assuming that one autistic person is like the other, or assuming that all autistic people don't like eye contact or assuming all autistic people don't like to be touched, assuming male autistic people and female autistic people are.
Going to present in the same way, , assuming that ADHD is only male dominated and females can't have ADHD, right? Or assuming that the ADHD is the same for all ADHD folks, assuming that people that are dyslexic. And they are asking for, they were asking for technology assistance that they're just using it to be lazy or using it as an excuse or asking for accommodations such as, can you send me a voice to [00:11:00] text or can you send me a Voxer or a Marco Polo rather than an email?
These are all things that are. It's normal and natural for an, for a person with ADHD or dyslexia to request, and yet they're denied. So quite often with no real good reason other than I don't want to. It's interesting when I, have conversations with people that don't really understand neurodiversity and they assume that a person that is neurodivergent is either autistic or ADHD. And also there's assumption that neurodivergent individuals cannot be wealthy or successful, which is completely opposite of the truth.
There's also this assumption that neurodivergent individuals can't have very fulfilling relationships in their lives, which is [00:12:00] a total untruth, right? I think, Very subtle things that people say like, well, doesn't everybody have a little bit of ADHD or oh my gosh, I'm so OCD when it comes to cleaning my house or I'm so OCD with my work desk. When they don't have OCD or saying things like, doesn't everybody have a little bit of ADHD or doesn't everybody have a little bit of autism?
The answer is no, right? It's, it really is. We have a cognitive difference in our mind. And while we have great strengths that changers in the world and really. change the world. It also does mean that we have disabilities and challenges and saying doesn't everybody have a little bit of ADHD is not helping anyone.
I've [00:13:00] also had people ask me if I, they need to speak slower in order to speak to a neurodivergent person or speak to me. And that's kind of funny to me because my IQ is 152. And to have someone ask me if they need to speak slower to me, lets me know that their idea of neurodiversity means that I'm not as smart as them or I'm less than them.
Them in some way, which is quite comical. I'm not saying I'm better than, but I'm also not saying that I'm less than. And if I have disabilities, it does not mean that you're better than I am. Right? So let's be really honest with ourselves and really honest with society here. If someone has disabilities, it doesn't mean that if you don't have disabilities, you're better than them or smarter than them and in some way.
So I'd like to debunk that myth. another. Really [00:14:00] interesting one is when people use someone's neurodiversity as a descriptive. , Like you could say, Oh, hey, I work with Joe. Um, Joe's just kind of an oddball by the way he has autism. Or there's a couple of people that I work with that have autism. This person, this person, and this person.
This person. It's really interesting. It's not necessary because you can meet the person and talk to the person and decide if you want to be friends with the person or, you know, interact with that person more or less, but it doesn't necessarily mean that, Oh, by the way, my name's Teresa, I have, I'm gifted ADHD and dyslexic, or my son is, My son's name with, you know, ADHD, OCD, and autism.
It's just, it's part of how our brain works. It's not [00:15:00] who we are. Right. So rather than really using it as. A descriptive of the person. Yes, it is part of who we are. And if we choose to say that we have autism, or if we choose to say that we have ADHD, great, but it does not take it upon a person that does not have autism to go and tell everybody else that you have autism.
That's actually. Really a breach in DE& I and a company format and totally unnecessary in society. Now, if the person is. Wanting to say it for themselves and they want to empower themselves and say, yes, I have autism. Then great. That is for them to, to do. And I do think that as far as neurodiversity goes.
Being able to speak about it [00:16:00] and talk about neurodiversity more and make it more mainstream is kind of the future and how. I perceive neurodiversity. Evolving, right? Because if we don't start talking about our experiences and we don't start setting boundaries and saying what is okay with us and what is not okay with us, generally speaking, society is just not going to know and understand.
Right. So I do feel kind of a call to action. Talk about it more, right? Reach out, get yourself a neurodivergent coach, or therapist and be able to learn how to advocate for yourself and speak for yourself. Another thing that is interesting, I remember back when I was in my 20s and, I was actually a server way back then, a server, a bartender cocktail waitress, and, , [00:17:00] there was this bus boy and the bus boy was definitely neurodivergent and he, oh my gosh, the nicest guy in the world.
I found out that all of the bus boys were taking all of the tips and only giving him a couple of dollars. And when I confronted the lead bus boy about it, his response was, well, we work harder than him. We move faster than him. And I challenged him. I said, how do you know that you work harder than him?
What if. How he is working is the hardest that he can work. And if he is disabled, how come he's making only 5 or less when you guys are walking away with 50 or more per shift, that is a huge discrepancy. And that's discrimination. And [00:18:00] nobody had even thought to address the issue before or bring it up.
And I thought that that was. bananas personally. So these are all examples of different ableism and microaggressions so in general, I really think that calling people out is A really healthy thing to do in a, in a kind way. Right. I'll give you the example of the person that said to me, do I need to speak slower for you? And my question to her was. Well, why, why would you need to speak slower to me? And her response was, well, I mean, you're, you are neurodivergent and you're speaking to the neurodivergent community.
And what I said was, okay, well, most of the neurodivergent community has a higher than [00:19:00] average IQ. So why would you need to speak slower? To me. And so it wasn't that I was being rude. It wasn't that I was being crass. It wasn't that, you know, I put her in a place it's more over, I questioned and I kind of called her out in a way to get her thinking about it in a different way.
Right. So I really like to approach things with things with love and kindness. So it could be that maybe a boundary needs to be put in place, of, Hey, I have told you that I am ADHD, but I prefer that you do not tell other people that I have ADHD. That's my news to give. Right. Or maybe it is, , asking for accommodations. I really need to have speech to text, or [00:20:00] I would really like to have our communication in Voxer or Marco Polo, because having the really long messages aren't working for me.
Or instead of sending me messages in Facebook messenger, can you please email me at this Thanks. I prefer to have my email in larger print and where I can use my, my audible extensions for my computer. Or you can say, I would really like it if you, , If when you sent me a video or if you sent me a loom, could you have the closed captions on it?
These are all things that you can do in kindness and also advocate for yourself, or you can get the other person on the other side, To be able to just think about things a little bit differently in a little bit different way. And also, [00:21:00] you can also set some boundaries that are healthy boundaries for you. If you're asking for accommodations and you're getting pushed back, it is not unheard of to say something along the lines of it is not your job to question my unseen disabilities. I have challenges that you could not understand that you take for granted everyday challenges that you might take for granted. So, If you want to ask me and have expectations of me, I am saying I will deliver on those expectations in order to do this. I need to have some accommodations just as. You would not expect someone with a broken leg to walk five miles without crutches or a scooter.
It's the same as if you were to ask me to complete these tasks without the accommodations to help me complete these tasks. [00:22:00] So I hope that this really helps you kind of. Think about your own life and how you either a have people within your company that do have neurodiversity and might could benefit from having accommodations, whether they have told you or not, that there are neurodivergent, or if you, you yourself, Are needing accommodations or you yourself have been dealing with microaggressions or ableism and you are just not quite sure how to manage it, right?
Number one, we can always work around our thoughts about it. We can always work around how we feel about it. And I understand that if you're dealing with ableism, ableism, ableism over and over and over again, and you're dealing with microaggressions. Over and over and over [00:23:00] again, it can be, it can bring up some very big feelings.
Being able to speak your mind kindly and clearly and set very clear boundaries and also call people out. It is totally okay. And within your right to ask for equal and fair opportunity, whether it is at school, at home. Or at in the workplace and by the way, there are a lot of. Neurodivergent entrepreneurs who have not even started implementing neuro friendly tools within their company and their business.
So I say that if you genuinely want to start making your life easier, feel free to reach out and set up an appointment so we can talk about [00:24:00] some of the things going on for you. And we can set, start to set up some accommodations that work for you. All right. Thank you so much. I love you all. Take care.
Bye bye.
