Interview with Marilyn
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Neurotribe, the podcast where authenticity meets empowerment. Your host, Teresa, is a certified business executive and life coach navigating the intricate tapestry of neurodiversity. She's someone blessed with ADHD and dyslexia and gifted a widow and a mother to four incredible neurodiverse children.
So each episode of The Neurotribe is an intimate exploration of life, love, business, and parenting. Through the lens of neurodiversity. Subscribe to the Neuro Tribe on your favorite podcast platform or on YouTube and never miss a story. And if you really like this show, be sure to like, subscribe, rate, and of course, share the podcast with anyone who needs to hear it.
Join us on this unfiltered journey where no topic is too challenging, [00:01:00] no triumph too small. Let's unravel the layers of our community's experiences, embracing the struggles, celebrating the gifts, and finding empowerment and authenticity in every episode. And let's start right now.
Hey friends, welcome back. I am so excited to have you be part of our Neurotribe community. Welcome, welcome. Let's get into it here. I love to be transparent and talk about things head on. So this is what I'm going to do. I had a podcast and YouTube that I did weeks ago. I guess it was actually a few months ago.
It's called opinions and oddly enough in that video I had a lot of opinions That were messaged to me and some of them [00:02:00] were actually put on my YouTube. I did end up Deleting some of them because some of them just didn't need to be public but a lot of people had opinions about what I said and who I am as a So interesting because I don't know how you can really know who I am as a person by watching a few videos.
Now, what I said in the video was opinions like onions. There's a lot of layers to them, but when you get to more of an opinion, more often than not, it's a judgment. And what challenge if you want be in the place of judgment, It's you get to choose whether you do or you don't it's totally up to you. I like to challenge people I like to get people to think of things in [00:03:00] different areas and different ways and and really ask Themselves do I want to think this believe this judge in this way with intention and that's What I was doing.
One of the things that I said in the video is when you group people together Usually grouping people together can come off as a judgment and a lot of people didn't like that They didn't like the fact that I said I want you to start looking at even grouping neurotypicals and neurodivergent individuals together Is that a judgment?
And do you want to be judging in that way? I'm going to tell you why, and I'm going to talk about it in a very different way so you guys really understand the thought that I had behind it.[00:04:00]
Okay, so in general, the neurotypical community is very vastly behind on education when it comes to neurodivergent individuals. Schools, companies, In society in general are really behind on D, E, and I, when it comes to the neurodivergent community, we are, I mean, I cannot tell you how many companies that I have talked to when it comes to D, E, and I, and they don't even have neurodiversity on their radar.
It's not even a conversation that they are having. And then when you think about it, in schools, they very much are separating neurodiverse individuals, neurodiverse kids. There is separate classes for their kids. There's separate programs for their kids. There's pullout programs for the kids, right? So [00:05:00] what that's teaching in society is to separate.
Neurotypicals and neurodivergent individuals also being so behind in society about really educating society, neurotypicals in general, or all people in general, that there's a spectrum in every neurodiverse community, right? There's a spectrum in every neurodivergent diagnosis. For instance, One dyslexic person is not going to come and be the same as another dyslexic person.
There is a spectrum in dyslexia. There's four different kinds of dyslexia. There is a spectrum in ADHD. There are different kinds of ADHD, and then in the autism spectrum, it's called the autism spectrum for a reason. So [00:06:00] you can have a lot of misconception, and you can have a lot of misunderstanding, and a lot of old information.
I'll give you an example. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say, well, you don't seem autistic. You make really good eye contact. Friends, it's a spectrum. One autistic person might not like eye contact while another does. It might be that you have one autistic person that is looking at you very deeply and looking in your eyes and reading so much into your eye expression, what your soul is saying, your body expression, the way that your breath is, the way your heartbeat is, every little micro expression.
And then you might have another autistic person Who actually can concentrate better and be more engaged in conversation when they're not looking at you directly. Um, and [00:07:00] there might be fidgeting somewhere else or looking somewhere else. For me personally, sometimes it's easier to look at someone and sometimes it's easier for me to not look at someone because I'm processing something very deeply about what they're saying.
So, it kind of depends. I have actually had therapists that have said, When you talk to me, why are you looking away from me? And I have the hardest time explaining to them it's because I'm thinking, I'm processing, I'm Engaging with you, for me, it's easier to look away and think than to look straight at you.
I have had people make comments on my videos of, why aren't you looking at the camera the whole time? It's easier for me to look away and think and process to be able to deliver this information for you sometimes. And that is [00:08:00] exactly why I'm doing it. I don't feel like I need to mask and camouflage and pretend I am someone I am not.
I am who I am. Take it or leave it.
Going back to schools and education. If you really think about generation after generation, and how kids are being pulled out and put in different classrooms, or different programs, or they're pulled out of class to go to another class to learn, it is teaching kids from a very, very young age To be different, to be othered, to be grouped, and it's really not teaching inclusion.
It's really not.
It's very interesting to me. [00:09:00] My son came home one day and he said, Mom, and he was telling me this story about this kid, and he said, Mom, this kid, he is in a different class because they are differently minded people. The person that he was speaking about was an autistic person. My son speaking to me is an autistic person.
So that just goes to show you that even as an autistic person, he is being taught that autistic people are different and they're differently minded. Public school.
It causes a separation in community. It causes a separation between the neurotypical community and the neurodivergent community. And without educating the vast majority of [00:10:00] people, including neurotypical people on neurodiversity, what that does is it further separates the community. And what will happen is when a neurodivergent individual wants to make friends or is looking for friends, it kind of makes it neurodivergent community.
I am pure example of that. I will throw myself under the bus. I have way more neurodivergent friends that get me and understand me and accept me for who I am as a whole person. Whereas I have had a lot of experience with neurotypical people who find my traits as a neurodivergent individual. as burdensome or character flaws, rather than this is part of who I am.
This is part of how my brain [00:11:00] works. This is part of how I work within society. So really getting out there and understanding who you are as a neurodivergent individual, accepting yourself fully and completely, and then going out there and advocating, speaking, using your voice. It's going to be a very powerful thing for all of the neurodivergent community, for all of our future children to be able to grow and thrive in the world.
Because if we keep separating ourselves and we keep othering ourselves and we keep having opinions about the groups rather than pulling together and educating and meeting with kindness and compassion and love. And acceptance, it's going to be harder and harder for the two communities to really be able to come together and community.[00:12:00]
We have so many gifts to be able to offer the, we have so many gifts to be able to offer the world. It would be nice for us to have more opportunity to make a positive change for the neurodivergent, the pro I'd really like to make a positive change for the neurodiverse community. And I'd like to challenge you.
Use your voice. You have a voice and it needs to be heard. So if you are neurodivergent and you feel that you want neurotypicals to better understand your person or your diagnosis or your community. Then speak out, not in a way of you need to understand me, but more of, Hey, this is the challenges that I face and this is what can help me.
And the more [00:13:00] we have people that are approaching companies and approaching schools and approaching communities and speaking out about how we can better serve this.
In my opinion, and yes, it is a judgment, but in my opinion. The positive change that we have as a community to grow moving forward for our kids and for our kids kids is to rather than look at separating ourselves, as the neurotypicals have done, it's moreover, how can we work together as communities together to make things more manageable, to give more rights to neurodiversity.
What I [00:14:00] hope. is that we can start using our voices in a positive way, in a posi
Okay, yeah. Your voice matters. I hope that this message helps you feel validated in your experience in life, and I hope that it inspires you to share your story. To do your work, to be able to truly love and accept yourself for who you are and realize that you are not othered.
Hey, welcome back. I am so grateful to have all of you here. Welcome to the neurotribe today. I have an interview with Marilyn Marilyn. Thank you so much for coming on today. Marilyn is a very successful business woman, a [00:15:00] mompreneur. when we started coaching years ago, she came to me and had a layout of goals.
And it's really been quite beautiful to see the growth that I have seen in Marilyn. And I wanted to bring her on today so we can kind of talk about, Her journey and, where she's been and where she has gone. I'm really grateful to have her on Marilyn. Hello. Hello. Thank you for having me. It's always so much fun to do some cool projects with you.
So this is an honor. Thank you.
So Marilyn, I'm just wondering, can you kind of tell me what life was like before you started coaching and kind of where you were at in life? Yeah, for sure. So, you know, I had just kind of rolled into a little bit different position in my mortgage career at the time, and I was making some pretty scary moves.
going from, you know, having [00:16:00] a regular Paycheck, you know, salary position to a straight commission position. And, you know, there was a lot of interesting things going on in my life. And I just felt like I needed to, tackle some areas and, and learn how to gain some confidence. You know, I was. kind of jumping into a big pond with some big fish.
and especially in, the finance world. here I was, kind of this operation slash marketing slash, whatever for my office. And now, I'm going to go swim with the big fish. I had massive imposter syndrome and I also felt like I needed to get a grip on just some emotional processing.
at that time too, I was in a relationship. I wanted to hopefully take that relationship to another level. I just felt like I maybe wasn't equipped enough with my thought process to. do some of these big things that I was [00:17:00] starting to do. I wanted to really figure out, okay, what am I doing wrong?
And I guess that was the initial approach as I came to you with, okay, this is wrong with me. This is wrong with me. This is wrong with me. And I believed all of that to be true, that I had faulty thinking and I couldn't figure out how to decipher truth from reality. So that's what brought me your way.
Yes. I remember you describing yourself as so intense. You're almost crazy. And people have a hard time being around your intensity and your partner at the time was like, I love you. I want to move forward, but until we do, we need to figure out like this anxiety piece. Right. And I was really good at hiding it, and anxiety can manifest in many ways.
And for me it was, you know, anxiety manifested in high energy perfectionism, OCD, and obsessive thinking like, [00:18:00] okay, how do I get ahead of this problem before it becomes a problem? And, you know, it was just an anxious that I knew my kids could feel for sure.
You know, it was like, Oh, mom. and I just didn't want to be like that. I mean, I couldn't quite figure out like, where is this all coming from?
So let me ask you this. What made you decide to work with me? At the time, you know, you were doing different coaching parameters and one of them actually was, Relationships with food. And I'd always had a very love hate relationship with food from, you know, binging to not eating.
and I wanted to get a grip on that and figure out like, why, why do I do these things? I was really into chocolate and wine at the time and I couldn't, Seem to break past that loop of, Oh yeah, chocolate, wine, chocolate, wine. and so initially when I met up with you, it was like, okay, you know, I think I need to get a grip on, my nutrition
Then it was from that conversation. you were [00:19:00] like, you don't need a diet plan. You need a coaching plan. And I didn't quite understand the correlation with food. And relationships and money and how I interacted with, people through my high anxiety, like it, it was all intertwined.
And I didn't see that there was a definition between all of these areas. And, you know, I heard this great quote the other day that said, how you do anything is how you do everything. And when I took a step back and realized, It's not the relationship with food. It's the relationship with myself that needs to change.
And that's really when I started grabbing a shovel and digging into the dirt and seeing just how far I could go. Right. And so the first year that we worked together, there was a lot of goals that you had and that you not only hit. But you surpassed with your expectations were like, I [00:20:00] cannot even believe that we've hit this and hit this and hit this.
And we kept making new and new and new goals. So you can share whatever you want to share. But there were some really big highlights to the first year of you and I working together. Do you want to share any of them? Yeah, for sure. So, you know, once I realized I could start to really pick and choose how I responded to the thoughts that ruminated in my brain, it really changed how I looked at a lot of things, which obviously filters out to every area of your life.
I think the biggest thing that people fail to see is, We're only in one relationship our entire lives and that's a relationship with ourselves. And so once I started to really dive into some of the lies that I believed were truths, everything started to change. within that first year, I ended up increasing my business, 422%, which was wild.
it was one of the biggest [00:21:00] increases in purchase volume in My area I was just like, Holy cow, this is great. I also, really changed my relationship that I had at the time with my now husband. we ended up, getting married throughout all of this time.
my, my kid's relationship changed. I learned how to, gear down and kind of refocus my priorities in life. And through it all, it allowed me to actually get out of my 21 year career and mortgage,
So I decided that that wasn't the way I wanted to live my life anymore. And, you know, I needed to prioritize money over what my true priorities were. And yes, we do need money to survive and to retire, you know, comfortably and things like that.
But, I was able to retire from my mortgage career and figure out, okay, what do I want to do? And in a sense, Because of the work that I did, everything [00:22:00] changed and it was scary change at the time, but it was all positive at the end of the day. You know, it's so interesting cause I talk about this a lot and I wanted to get your, cause I know that we have worked on it together.
we've had this conversation more than one time, and it's when you start to do your work and you start to really work through your own stuff, you get to this place where you start thinking, I don't know if the people around me genuinely have my best interest.
And then you kind of, it's almost like, it's not like you're growing out of the people, but you go through this phase where you reach this loneliness because you realize that some of your old unhealthy, healthy patterns are going on in your relationship. And so it's [00:23:00] not that you've become better than these other people.
It's just that they haven't done that work also. And so your time becomes more valuable to you. And so you really are more intentional with who you spend your time with. So do you want to talk a little bit about your experience and how you kind of went through? I remember talking to you one time. I know I'm totally calling you out.
Sorry about it. But you're like, I feel like I'm going through the muck right now. It's like I'm growing so much and there's so many wonderful things happening. But at the same time, there's also this deep, heavy loneliness that I'm feeling. so could you want to talk a little bit about that? And then also, since you're now on the other side of that, What is it like for you now finding your true genuine people?
Yeah, that is a great [00:24:00] point. And I think this is also something that, they don't like to talk about whether you're getting healthy and, away from an addiction or changing your mentality or creating boundaries. there is a phase of loneliness and it is just like when you go through a mourning process.
You know, at first you're like, you know, heightened emotion, right? it could be heightened sadness. It could be heightened excitement, you know, because of the changes. And then there's this. Valley where it is like, oh my gosh, you know, you realize a lot of the friendships and bonds that you created with people were based around the person you were and whether that's, you know, for me, every area changed.
I used to love to drink and especially at night. And that really, I had built lots of friendships around alcohol. And when I stopped doing that. A lot of those friendships just kind of [00:25:00] drifted away because that wasn't our connection anymore. it just, it wasn't fun for me to go out and drink anymore.
And other people were still at that spot and that's okay. It just wasn't. my scene anymore. And I evolved past that to something else. you know, same with working all the time. I had a lot of bonds with people that were based on workaholism. And when I stopped doing that and again, those things went away.
boundaries. That was a huge thing. When I started to put boundaries in place, you know, with some were close friends, some were family. it was difficult because I realized, you know, when you're on the way up and you're changing and good things are happening to you, there's always the team that's rooting for you.
Like, Oh my gosh, this is amazing. And there's a team. That wants to pull you down and remember where you came from. Remember all the mistakes you made. You're not this new person that's evolving. we want to [00:26:00] remind you that you're still that person. all of the people that will say this new person that you're becoming is fake.
But it's actually not you're actually becoming your genuine authentic self. It's not fake it was the drinking before that was fake or the chocolate before that was fake or the Overworking before that was fake, right? Yeah It's the masking that's fake and I think what happens subconsciously with other people that see you Changing and evolving is it shines a light?
On the areas that they know they need to work on as well, but they're just not at a place to work on them. So there breeds this resentment almost like, Oh, you think you're better than us or do X, Y, Z. it's just, it makes that person feel inferior because they know that they struggle with something.
They're not sure how to get to the next level and grow past it. You're growing past it and [00:27:00] therefore it's almost this envy a little bit, but it's mixed in with, oh, well, we're going to have to just cut you down a little bit cause you're getting too big for your britches. and it can be painful, you know, but what I've discovered is going back to, you know, only being in one relationship with one person, which is myself, the rest of my life, I've had to learn.
Become my own best friend. And instead of becoming my own worst critic, I've had to really go, you know what, it's okay, it's okay that these people are, are kind of fallen away. And it doesn't mean you have to, you know, demonize them and put them in as, you know, these are bad people, these are good people, you know, it's just.
Everybody has good and bad. Everybody is human and you can still the people and not like the behavior. And for me, one thing that I've really embraced over the last few years is, to [00:28:00] protect my dignity at all costs. And it's not so others can go. Oh, you know, and others have an opinion. Everybody's going to have an opinion about you.
Some people are going to think you're amazing and some people are going to think. You're not so hot. And it's what you think about yourself that really matters. are you, operating with integrity? Are you showing love? Are you, being a kind person? So that way, you're leaving a legacy where others are inspired to change as well, and that's just kind of what I've had to sit with is.
There has been some lonely times and lonely periods. And, you know, but at the end of the day, I can't continue to go back to old ways. You know, once you know better, you do better. And, you know, after a while, you know, if you realize, Oh, if I eat this certain food, I'm gonna get violently ill. If I hang out with these people, I'm gonna get [00:29:00] violently toxic, you know, and you just can't go back to that.
Can you tell me a little bit about what it's like to be a neurodivergent business owner and some of your strengths.
And on the flip side, some of the challenges that you face as a neurodivergent individual that is a very successful business owner. And then on the kind of back end of that question, if you could have any types of supports that you would think. Would be helpful for you. What would they be? Yeah. Okay. So strength wise, I think, the neurodivergency that I have is really good for details and, you know, if there's a project.
I know all the steps that it's going to take to get to that project and I'm able to work backwards and set up some good organizational [00:30:00] systems. I'm also pretty good at reading people and understanding what their, their real issue is, even though it might be manifesting and coming out as anger.
You know, have that empathy and really pull out, okay, what's really bothering you, but in being empathetic, I've also learned that I don't have to absorb all of their sadness and emotions. I can simply just dig in, figure out what the problem is and help them realize that and talk through it as well. the negative of that is I can still tend to be a perfectionist.
And when certain areas of the plan and the steps that I've put into place, Aren't being executed by other people that I depend on, I can kind of get a little like frustrated with it. Like, why is that so hard to understand? And I have to learn to control what I can control and let go what I can let go.
You know, 80 percent of the results come from 20 [00:31:00] percent of the work that you put into things. And it doesn't mean that you have to hyper focus and perfect everything. It's just doing the right actions at the right time that are really going to move the needle.
Cause you know, I like to set up systems and work backwards and communicate and dah, dah, dah. And he's like, you know, maybe all of those steps aren't quite necessary to move the needle. You know, you've got to learn. To not do some things completely perfect. And that's hard for me because it repeats in my head again, how you do anything is how you do everything.
So to not give something a hundred percent, I feel like I'm selling myself short. And so I'm trying to really learn, okay, what's really going to move the needle and what should I really focus on versus. Focusing on perfectionism. I think as far as tools that are helpful, you know, I start my day off by listening to some sort of inspirational, [00:32:00] motivational, communication specialist, you know, something that I can have some food for thought to go into my day.
And I don't have a lot of time to sit down and like undivided attention and watch a podcast or a YouTube video. So I'll play it as I'm getting ready for my day. And it gives me a lot of time to just think about. Okay. Oh yeah. This situation I just went through yesterday. This totally applies and here's how I could handle this better.
I think, hiring a coach, you know, for those that are still kind of trying to figure out life, I think that's number one, you know, we spend a lot of money on business seminars and you know, I'm all went and saw Tony Robbins and you know, I mean, he's great.
He really is. But, you know, you can get this lithium high of, you know, encouragement, but there's never any introspection and okay, I'm going to tackle this. And it's really scary when you start to look at an area of your life and go, okay, I need to get to the root of that because, like I said [00:33:00] earlier, you're grabbing a shovel and you're breaking ground.
You don't necessarily know how far down you're going to have to dig. And once you get to that layer, and you reach the hidden city of Atlantis, well there's another city that's buried under Atlantis. So, take a rest, gear up, get a different tool, because now you're going to drill down a thousand more feet.
To figure out what's going on in that city. And so coaching and, self development, this is not just a, Oh, I went to five counseling sessions. I'm totally good now. You might've overcame that particular aspect, but trust me, there's a lot more. So people that get into this journey of evolving, just know it's a lifelong journey.
Sometimes you're coasting, sometimes you're in a sports car and you're flying around the corners and sometimes you're. pushing a broken down dachshund up a hill. [00:34:00] Yeah, right. Oh my gosh, that's so true. so tell me what it's like for you because you're a neurodivergent individual, you are running a business, your partner is a neurodivergent individual, and you have neurodivergent children.
So can you kind of tell me what it is like to be an entrepreneur, business owner, having ND kids and an ND partner, can you kind of like, of course you don't want to tell all of the personal details, but can you kind of share a little bit of your experience with that balance? Yeah, so I think it, it is when you are neurodiverse and you're surrounded by other neurodiverse people, I think the biggest thing to keep in mind is, self regulation and self check.
And so, again, going back to my perfectionist, tendencies, I can tend to get frustrated and irritated. you know, my husband's [00:35:00] neurodiversity is, he can be disconnected and aloof. And so I have to learn to not take some of that behavior as personal or get frustrated. Like, why is that not obvious? You know?
And so I have this litmus test for myself. and I have to use it on a regular basis. I'm not always a hundred percent successful when I use it, but I try to use it as much as possible so I don't come across as snippy or irritated. but if I find that I have three negative thoughts. in a pretty short amount of time, then I know right there that the problem is me, that I'm looking at the world and I'm looking at things through a different lens that is, my skewed perception.
and so I try to do that self check and regulation on a regular basis so that I don't say something or act in a way that is hurtful. Because we can hurt people and say, I'm [00:36:00] sorry, but once you say the words or do the actions, it sends a clear message of how you really feel. so I really try to be mindful of my words and actions.
Yeah. I think also, you know, realizing that everybody's got their own struggles and trying to assess, okay, this person's. behavior or their tendencies are X, Y, Z to do these, do this, and If it's hurtful or it's, you know, okay, when you act like this, or if you say something like this to me, those words make me feel like this.
Instead of saying, when you do this, you make me feel it. It's nobody can make you feel or do anything. But the words or the actions can make you feel inside a certain way. It's not that that person's controlling you. It's just, Oh, that, that doesn't feel right to me. And whether that's right or wrong [00:37:00] in that person's perspective is irrelevant because it's how I'm, you know, the energy I'm absorbing.
And so you can say anything to anyone. As long as you word it correctly. And it's said in love, you know, I have to sit down sometimes with my husband and be like, Hey, you know, and, and don't ever do it in the moment because you can never deliver a message without emotion when it is cranked up to 10. So I always wait, I think things through, and then I wait until there's a diffuse time to bring that situation up.
and I have to be prepared that he can take it however he wants. But at least I got it out and I didn't bottle it up and maybe gave him some food for thought for future interactions. Like, Oh, she doesn't really care for it. If I act like this or whatever now he's going to do and say whatever he wants to do.
Cause that's, we all have free will. We can do that. You know, people always say, don't, you can't talk to me like that. Yeah, they can. [00:38:00] And they do. And it's a, how you train them to. You teach them how to interact with you. So, but we have no control over what someone says or does. It's just, how am I going to respond to that?
And if you're going to continue that pattern of behavior. Then we can't interact together. And you find that's you exploring your boundaries, right? yeah. And so, you know, I try to look at things, you know, within my family dynamics of, you know, I'm not there to teach people a lesson or, you know, be rude about anything, if anything, I'm there to observe.
And help when I can speak up for myself if I need to and accept that nobody's perfect, even though I might think I've got nothing wrong with me. I'm totally fine. I'm cool. newsflash, you're human and you're going to do annoying things. so I think just giving everyone some grace, [00:39:00] including yourself is really how I try to manage.
All of the diversity in my sphere. One of the things that we've worked quite a bit on is being a business owner and a mom and that juggle between getting all of the work done and also showing up as the mom that you want to be. And we have come so far on that journey together. That I really feel like it's been such a beautiful thing to be able to watch and witness, right?
So can you tell me a little bit about what it was like when you very first started working with me versus, you know, four years later and what it's like now between, your work relationship with yourself, your work relationship with your kids and your relationship with your kids? I think, for me, [00:40:00] it's, I'm really trying to remember the whole, is this going to matter in a year from now?
Is this going to matter in five years from now? You know, I try to take into consideration, you know, from the time our kids are born until they, you know, are off on their own, you know, you have about 18 Christmases, 18 birthdays, 18 years, an event, 18 times that events are going to take place. And, you know, Work's not going to love you.
Work isn't going to give a crap that you missed this important event or that you couldn't go on a vacation because you just had to get more loans closed or, you had to make sure this client was taken care of I get the whole customer service aspect of things, especially in competitive businesses like insurance and real estate But at the end of the day, nobody on their deathbed has ever said. I wish I would have worked more so really at the end of the day, what is it all about? Why do you do what you do?
And, [00:41:00] you know, I have five things, written down in a folder of like, who am I not? Oh, I'm a mom. I'm a this, I'm a, that it's, you know, I am, you know, I'm a patient person. I'm an understanding person. And when you have these main goals, define when situations arise, you know, you can pull that out and look at it.
Who am I? You're this. And if you have this roadmap of your core values and how you want to navigate life, you just automatically start to flow with what aligns to what your idea of who you are truly is. Yes. And this process is actually talked about both in my membership And in my business course that I have written.
So I'm looking forward to seeing all of you join us. what was it like for you to work for, with me? what did you [00:42:00] expect to get from coaching and what did you actually get? Yeah. So I think, working with you, what I loved about it was it, you created a very, welcoming, nonjudgmental, safe space to just blah, what was going on in life.
and you know, that's really what I wanted. I thought I was broken. I thought I need to fix all of these things about me. and what I discovered. you know, some key takeaways from our time was, I discovered that just because the thoughts arrive and I think this is the truth, oh, I am anxious.
I am this, you know, there's a difference between the feelings. The thoughts and the emotions and I was able to really write that down and figure out, okay, what is what? Because it was all gray area. I thought feelings were truth and [00:43:00] thoughts were truth, and, and in this, you know, time that we live in, you know, there's.
Truths, you know, Oh, I'm my truth, your truth, you know, and I think that it's so important now to get that critical thinking skill set out to people because a lot of these truths we think are true. They're not truths. They're just thoughts or their emotions, you know, but what is truth. We've lost sight of figuring out how do you define what truth really is.
What matters as truth and what doesn't matter, you know, it's like, how do you figure that out? with our time, I've realized that all of my thoughts are not true. They're just thoughts or emotions. I've realized how to search my physical body. To figure out where am I holding this?
I didn't realize how much was held in my stomach, in my intestines. And I've always had some stomach issues and wow, that's crazy. there's a lot of power in figuring out where do these [00:44:00] things lie inside my body? You know, body does keep score and it's, that's pretty crazy.
Emotions can do to a physical body. I think that also, really understanding that there is a control aspect that I have between event and response, just because something happens does not negate a response. I don't have to react in a certain way. I can just tell somebody, you know what, I'm going to need to take some time to think about that.
I can stew, I can journal, I can do whatever, but I truly can control how I respond to this. I don't have to let life toss me around. So I think that from coaching and I've done counseling before but never did the counselors dive in to some of these behaviors and patterns that I had created.
And so I'd come to you with a, what I thought was a problem. And. if we dissected and it was not the problem, it was the byproduct of what the [00:45:00] real underlying problem was. And just being able to do that now is so empowering. It's so critical and it's something that's universal business. Family, personal relationship with your dog, you know, it's all universally exchangeable.
It's so connected. And it's funny because people will say, well, tell me who you work with. And I'll say the neurodivergent community will be more specific. Are you neurodivergent? I work with you. Do you have neurodivergent kids? I work with you. Do you have a neurodivergent spouse? I work with you.
Well, are you a business coach or are you a life coach? Both. Right. Why? Because it's all connected. It's all connected. And that's such a misconception. People think that it's one or the other, until people fully understand that, business, personal friendships, all of that stuff, it all [00:46:00] comes back to you and who you are as a person.
So why not dive in and figure out, you know, do the shadow work, figure out what's going on. What makes me feel shame? What, brings joy. you know, what traumas happened in the past? That was a hard thing for me to grasp. You know, I was kind of, I poo pooed, you know, childhood traumas and all that junk. And, you know, I was like, Oh, that's just a bunch of crap.
And when I really started to dive into, you know, just the agreements you make with yourself as a young child shapes how you deal with situations as an adult and I've had to deal in, deal with some and work through, not just deal with, but actually do the work.
on a lot of traumas and call traumas for what they were. I did not want to do that because I did not want to be categorized in as a victim in any way. So I minimized a lot of stuff and until I was able to call it for what it was and know that that doesn't put me [00:47:00] in the category of, you know, somebody that was abused in some way, I can.
move past that and overcome it and then help others recognize when they're minimizing situations and let them know, Hey, it's okay. It's all right. You know, a lot of us were in that position. You didn't mean to. Well, there's so many people in the neurodiverse community that experience big Ts and little Ts.
Right. And it's almost like the frog that doesn't know how to jump out of the water. We experience them so young that we get kind of used to it and then we develop whatever coping mechanism that looks like. And that coping mechanism really does create its own belief system and almost personality to it and defense mechanism, whether it's anxious, avoidant, or vigilant, whatever that looks like.
Is there anything that you would really like to share with the neurodivergent community being [00:48:00] such, number one, being a neurodivergent woman, number two, being a neurodivergent business owner, number three, being a partner and number four being a mompreneur.
Yeah. I think, you know, combining all of those, again, I can probably give my insight Great. For a universal, answer to all of those areas. I think what this is done is, it's made me see that it's the neurodivergence that changed the world. And instead of comparing my weaknesses to other people's strengths, I harness my strengths.
And, you know, I think women, especially, we tend to kind of, we think that we're not as good as our male counterparts, or we're not as smart You know, I got tired of kind of taking that back seat several years ago, and I was like, look, if this guy can do it, [00:49:00] I can do it because I'm way more likable anyways, and I started to stop comparing those weaknesses because again, you know, whether you have an opinion, good or bad about people individually as people, the truth is, You know, the Steve Jobs, the Elon Musks, I mean, they're neurodivergent.
You can't be a typical minded person and think so abstract, and they're so much creativity in neurodiversity that you just have to figure out how your brain works. You know, I'm also dyslexic, so I have to read things multiple times. And I used to get so frustrated. Like, why does it take me so long to read these things now?
It's fine. I know. Okay, I'm going to read it one way, I'm going to read it another way, and on the third read, I ask myself, do I fully understand what's going on here? If I don't, I read it fourth time. [00:50:00] I take notes. I figure out, okay, what's this problem all about? You just have to learn to deal with the way your brain works.
It doesn't mean you're defective. It doesn't mean you're broken. Don't compare your weaknesses to other people's strengths. Yes. I love it. So in a sense, you have really be able to accept all of yourself, including your neurodiversity and completely own it and own who you are and really dive into your strengths and understand that you need support systems for your challenges.
I absolutely, absolutely love that. Is there anything else you want to say to the audience before we go? Keep moving forward. Keep evolving. Progress is progress, no matter how small, how quick, whatever, you know, just do it for you and realize that we're all on this earth to figure out this life is all about.
And what does [00:51:00] it mean for you? And what is your purpose? And maybe your purpose is to just learn how to. Be and not do maybe your purpose is to change the world in some way. But, you know, we think we forget that we do change the world, you know, every interaction that I have, and if I can help somebody see something, they're going to recognize it.
They're going to change their kids, which are going to change their kids, which are generations and thousands of people that are changed because of words that were said or ideas that were presented. We have to stop for a second, especially those that like to help other people, you know, that's, we got to stop and okay, how do I help myself?
Helping other people is another weird form of codependency and validation. So if you are a helper all the time, I highly recommend to connect with you, Teresa, and get a grip on that. Sounds sweet on the surface, but there's a lot of weird stuff behind it. so I think, you know, take a second. [00:52:00] And just focus on what it is you want to do in this life and start there.
Last question, and then we're going to say goodbye. What value would you put on your journey since we met and began four years ago? I mean, I don't think that there's Any monetary value that can be put on that. just from what I was able to get a grip on with thoughts and actions and whatnot has made me pretty successful.
and. you know, how I live my life because success can be defined in many different ways. and I think that if you truly want to change your life, your financial situation, your emotional state of mind, um, your overall thought processes, Coaching is a must.
There is, there's no book you're going to read that's going to give you the answers. It can help jog your [00:53:00] thoughts and get you to think about some stuff, but it's not going to help you dig in and really work on areas that need to be tackled. Yeah. Because I mean, you can read a book, but everybody's experience is completely different.
And that's why working with somebody to help you. work through your own experience is so important. Marilyn, thank you so much for joining us today. I so very appreciate all of your insight and your words and your wisdom that you have given everyone. Thank you. You are welcome. And likewise, back to you, everything that you just think before I thank you back a hundred times.
And the ND tribe, the neuro tribe. I love you all. Thank you so much. Have a good day.
