Where do my Feelings Come From?

June 12, 2024

In this episode of The Neurotribe, host Theresa Minnoch explores the fascinating question: "Where do our feelings come from?" She delves into the intricate relationship between our thoughts and emotions, challenging the common belief that feelings just happen to us without our control. Theresa explains that in any given situation, different people can experience a wide range of emotions based on their unique thoughts, beliefs, and personal experiences. Using engaging examples, including a heartwarming story involving her own children, Theresa illustrates how a single statement can be interpreted in vastly different ways, leading to diverse emotional responses. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and intentionality in managing our emotions, especially for those in the neurodivergent community who may react more emotionally to situations. Theresa provides practical tips for listeners to become more aware of their feelings, trace them back to their thoughts, and even choose more empowering emotions. She shares her personal journey of overcoming the fear of public speaking by practicing emotional management. The episode concludes with a challenge for listeners to start paying attention to their feelings and thoughts, and experiment with changing their emotional responses through intentional thinking. #NeurodiversityPodcast #EmotionalIntelligence #ADHDParenting #SelfAwareness #ThoughtManagement #EmotionalRegulation #NeurodiverseCommunity #IntentionalLiving #PersonalGrowth #MindsetShift #EmotionControl #NeurodivergentLife #ADHDChallenges #ParentingTips #SelfEmpowerment #ThoughtPatterns #EmotionalJourney #MindBodyConnection #PositivePsychology #CognitiveRestructuring #MentalHealthAwareness #EmotionalWellbeing #NeurodiverseKids #AuthenticityCommunity #ResilienceBuilding #MindfulParenting #PersonalDevelopment #EmotionalFlexibility #ADHDStrengths #SelfCompassion

Episode Transcript

Where do my feelings come from?
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Neurotribe, the podcast where authenticity meets empowerment. Your host, Teresa, is a certified business executive and life coach, navigating the intricate tapestry of neurodiversity. She's someone blessed with ADHD and dyslexia, and gifted a widow and a mother. To four incredible Neurodiverse children.

So each episode of the Neuro Tribe is an intimate exploration of life, love, business, and parenting through the lens of neurodiversity. Subscribe to the Neuro tribe on your favorite podcast platform or on YouTube and never miss a story. And if you really like this show, be sure to like, subscribe, rate, and of course share the podcast with anyone.

Join us on this unfiltered journey where no topic is too challenging, [00:01:00] no triumph too small. Let's unravel the layers of our community's experiences, embracing the struggles, celebrating the gifts, and finding empowerment and authenticity in every episode. And let's start right now.

hey guys, welcome back. I am so glad to have all of you here. Little side note, I was supposed to have a guest speaker or a guest interview this week, but something happened to the recording. I completely lost it and so I am going to use material that was going to be used later on. Fun fact, we have life, life happens, we have to change and alter to our plan sometimes.

And honestly, little tidbit for you is the most successful people in the world are able to adapt to when [00:02:00] needs arise. So There we go. I'm adapting. So today we're going to talk about where do our feelings come from? Because there are a lot of people out there that they are having their feelings and their feelings are kind of running their life.

It's kind of running the show and they're running around With their feelings, not sure, or they don't really understand where their feelings are coming from. Right. Then, then we also have a lot of other people that are out there that are they just kind of feel like life has happened and they're, you know, They're completely out of control of how to live their life with intention and they kind of feel like they're just putting a long life and life is in control and they have no, absolutely no control of their life.

So I really want to dive into that and kind of [00:03:00] intercept it for a moment, right? So we can have any kind of situation happen in life. Say we are in a room and one thing happens and there's a hundred people in the room. Well, those hundred different people can have different feelings depending on that one thing.

Why? Why would you have one situation happen, a hundred different people there, and a hundred different people have different feelings? different feelings about the one thing. You can even have a hundred people there and have a hundred people tell you different thoughts and different opinions and different ideas of what happened.

Why? Because you have a situation that happened and you have a hundred different people in, in their mind, in their brain, they have different thoughts about whatever it was that [00:04:00] happened, whatever the situation was. And then those thoughts also have the lens of their life that they have lived. So what I'm speaking of is the bots.

They might have a belief system or they might have opinions or judgments. They might have a thought about it or they might have stories that they've told themselves about whatever the situation was. When you have thoughts about the situation, when you are dealing with belief systems about a situation or opinions or stories about a situation, you're going to have a feeling about it.

Now, a lot of people say, so you only get one feeling and you only get one thought. The answer is no, right? You can have a situation happen, have some thoughts about it. Then you have a feeling and then you have that [00:05:00] feeling and you have more thoughts about it And then you have another feeling right? So it's kind of goes in that circle There are some people out there that believe that the feeling comes first and the thought comes second.

I personally Genuinely believe that the thought comes first and the feeling follows the thought so in my opinion observation over the last years, and actually I went to the life coach school, which is one of the many places that I've been certified with. We really did learn and study for over and over and over again, a situation will happen.

You'll have thought or thoughts about it, and then you have a feeling. So the thought happens, it sends a vibration in your body, and then you have the feeling about the thoughts. Now what happens is there's a lot of [00:06:00] communication between the body and the brain, right? So then sometimes you can have the feeling and the feeling sends more thoughts up, you have more thoughts and it sends more vibrations down to have feelings.

So that gives you a really good idea of the Feelings aren't just happening. They're not just, oops, I had a feeling, oh, well, what next? You know, you, you really can be more intentional about the way that you feel about any given situation. And there are times where you want to be intentional about a situation.

For instance, say a situation happens and you instantly feel angry. That is a An alarm bell, almost so to speak that it's time to stop and pay attention, right? And there are many of us that cognitively we react more often [00:07:00] emotionally to situations that are happening. So when we are noticing that we are reacting to the situation that's happening, it is really good to stop and be aware.

Hit those boar feelings, hit the be aware. Okay. I'm aware. I am feeling angry. I'm feeling annoyed right now. I'm feeling frustrated right now. What is going on with me? Open up to it. Really open up. Listen, listen to your thoughts. Listen to what's going on in your mind and ask yourself, is this what I want to think about the situation?

Is this how I want to feel about the situation? Right? And then when I'm thinking and feeling about this situation, what do I want to do? What do I want to happen as a result of this situation? What is the outcome that I want? I actually talk to my kids about this all the time because. Again, I have four kids all with ADHD [00:08:00] and when they are dysregulated or when they're having really big feelings or really big emotions, what I do to kind of catch their attention is I say, what would you like the result of this conversation to be?

And that for them helps them kind of pause and think, wait a minute. What is the result of this conversation? Right? Because in the moment they're just like yelling, or they're reacting and they aren't thinking about, is this how I want to feel? Is this really the way I want to talk to my mom? Is this really the way I want to talk to my sibling?

Right? So it really helps kind of slow everything down and be more aware. It's not always easy, friends. This takes a lot of practice and a lot of time, but understanding that life isn't just happening and you're not in control of anything or feelings are just happening and you're not in control of how you [00:09:00] feel at any given moment of any day really helps you be able to take control.

Take more control and be more empowered as to how do I want to show up for myself? How do I want to show up for my kids? How do I want to show up in business or whatever it is that you are doing and be intentional, be intentional about what you want to do and how you want to proceed, right? So this beautiful, sweet spot of knowing, okay.

I'll give you an example. I think the other really helpful tool to use this with is I remember I'm laughing. I remember not that long ago. It was about maybe about a year ago. And I was tired. I had been working a lot. I'm raising four kids by [00:10:00] myself. I'm running a business. I was just, I was tired and I was hanging out with the kids and I remember sitting back on the couch and putting my hands behind my head and saying, you know, I just need a vacation and in my mind, I'm thinking I've been working hard.

I haven't taken many days off, you know, I'm running for, I'm running a business, I'm raising the kids. I could really use a vacation and I, in my perception, I was honoring the way my body felt and deciding that I needed to make some plans. But what happened was. One of my kids, what they heard was mom wants to leave us.

And so this is fascinating because what I find in the ND community, we can have a situation happen like. [00:11:00] Me saying, I need a vacation and be thinking about how to give myself some self care and plan a vacation with me and my kids.

And I could come from this in a self love and wanting to connect with my kids. This is one situation, but then I had one child. What they heard and started crying and said, mom wants to leave us. And I thought, how in the world did we get from, I need a vacation to, I want to leave my kids. So what happened in the amount of seconds that went by is one of my kids heard me say that.

and their inner dialogue went rampant. Their inner dialogue was mom's tired, she's frustrated, she needs a vacation, she doesn't want to take care of us anymore, she's leaving [00:12:00] us, and tears, just feeling Sadness and abandonment and fear, right? And then tears were happening and then he's crying and sitting on my lap and afraid that I want to walk out the door and leave him.

And I would not do that friends. But that's what he interpreted from the book. Me saying that it was interesting because there's other kids there and none of the other kids got that same message from what I was saying, right? I had one kid that was like, mom's just tired. She probably needs to go to bed early.

Another kid that's like, yeah, we haven't had a family vacation in a long time. We should do this and we should do this and we should do this. And then I had another kid that was like, oh my gosh, mom. Just take some days off, right? So again, [00:13:00] one person saying one thing in one room with four different kids and four different kids had completely different feelings, thoughts, and reactions to what I said.

So it gives a very clear example of how we can have a situation. We can have thoughts and feelings and stories about them, right? And then we can have different reactions. What I challenge you is, can you be aware in your life what's going on right now in different situations and really be aware of how you're feeling and then track, okay, I'm aware, I'm feeling this thing.

So what am I thinking right now? And what is a beautiful thing is when you're able to slow things down and Oh, hey, I'm aware. I actually feel peace right now. So what does peace feel like in my body? And what am I thinking about that's helping me feel peace? [00:14:00] Oh, I am feeling angry right now. What am I thinking that is making me angry?

And do I want to feel angry about this situation? Maybe you do, maybe you don't. It's not that it's above my pay grade, but I want to help you be more intentional and really decide. What you want to feel about things and the more practice you do with this, it's actually very beautiful because then you can start implementing that in a totally different way.

For instance, I used to be terrified to speak publicly. Absolutely terrified to speak publicly. I actually took speech in summer school, so I wouldn't have to speak in front of other people because I was so dang petrified to stand up and talk in front of other people. I was terrified to get on a stage.

I have now learned to be able to [00:15:00] feel fear, feel terror, even feel anxiety. And choose to feel brave or choose to feel determined or choose to feel confident while I'm scared, right? And because I practice so often where my feelings are coming from and being intentional about those feelings, I get to pick and choose when I call upon the feelings that I am needing.

Right? So this is a practiced work and I challenge all of you to start practicing the different feelings that you're having throughout the day, throughout the week, throughout the month, and really backtracking what's going on in your mind as you are feeling the feeling. And then also play a little game with yourself.

See if you can change the way that you're feeling versus the way you're thinking. Right? Like, you can [00:16:00] be super frustrated with someone at work and be frustrated about something that just happened and then say, Hmm, okay, so I still need to work with this person. Right? So I'm frustrated in the moment. And yes, I'm going to do it.

Definitely take care of the way I'm thinking about it, the way I'm feeling, the way I'm going to show up with it. But can I also think thoughts that help me enjoy the person that I'm working with? So then when I do speak to the person about the thing that was frustrating me, I can come with a place of openness.

I can come with a place of love. I can come. I can come. in a place of curiosity. So then we can then have a constructive way to work out whatever it is that the situation was. So I love you all. Thank you so [00:17:00] much for showing up, listening, watching wherever you're coming, either the podcast or the YouTube channel.

And I will have my guest soon. As soon as I. Fix whatever tech issues brought me to not being able to publish this week. So I love you all. Take care. Bye bye.

Where do my Feelings Come From?

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