Neurodivergent Empathy: Curse or Gift?
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Neuro Tribe, the podcast where authenticity meets empowerment. Your host, Teresa, is a certified business executive and life coach, navigating the intricate tapestry of neurodiversity. She's someone blessed with ADHD and dyslexia, and gifted a widow and a mother. To four incredible Neurodiverse children.
So each episode of the Neuro Tribe is an intimate exploration of life, love, business, and parenting through the lens of neurodiversity. Subscribe to the Neuro tribe on your favorite podcast platform or on YouTube and never miss a story. And if you really like this show, be sure to like, subscribe, rate, and of course share the podcast with anyone.
Join us on this unfiltered journey where no topic is too challenging, [00:01:00] no triumph too small. Let's unravel the layers of our community's experiences, embracing the struggles, celebrating the gifts, and finding empowerment and authenticity in every episode. And let's start right now.
Hey friends, how are you doing today? I'm doing great. We are here on spring break and so I have all four kids. Home this week. And it's really nice. I wish I didn't have to work all week, but it's really nice to be able to have a lot more free time with the kids. So today I'm going to talk to you about neuro diversity and empathy. And. We can talk about this as, is it a curse or is it a gift or is it both. Ah, so first before we get into the subject, I'm going to go over four types of empathy.
Okay. So with the [00:02:00] first type of empathy, it is called cognitive empathy. And this is when you genuinely understand what the other person is going through. Like you can put yourself in their shoes and understand how they feel given the circumstance, right. The next type of empathy is. Called responsive empathy.
And this is when you're responding to their situation. You're wanting to help them out in some way. You're wanting to give them a hug or you do give them a hug or put your arm on them or. Maybe you talk to them and you console them verbally. So those two types of empathy are really common in the neuro-typical community. The neurodivergent community has access to all four different types of empathy.
So the next two are more geared towards, do you experience this? Do you really understand what I'm saying or [00:03:00] recognize what I'm saying? Do you relate to it? Right. So the third type of empathy is called affective empathy. And this is, this means when you literally can feel what the other person is feeling. You don't always show it outwardly, but you can feel what they're feeling.
So if they describe say being sad or feeling grief or being elated or excited, you can feel that in side as well. You feel those vibrations inside your body. The last one is called. Somatic empathy. . And this is not, you can't really control it, right.
It just kind of happens. And this is when you feel. Physically inside what the other person is feeling.
For instance, let's say you have someone who says I was so [00:04:00] upset. I felt sick to my stomach. Or I got hives all over my body. This is when you start to feel sick to your stomach, or maybe you break out with hives as well. And that type of empathy really is not one that you can control. It just is there.
Right? So with those different types of empathy.
I'm going to take it all the way back to when we're kids. Okay. So if you noticed that when you were growing up, people used to tell you quite often, you're too sensitive. Or you would have a guardian or a parent say. He or she is so sensitive. Or maybe your teachers talked about how sensitive you are, but this is the way that you were described throughout your life.
Right? [00:05:00] So what can happen as we are children? Is we're learning to cope and process through our own feelings. I mean, we have grown adults that don't even know how to do that. Right. Okay. So as we're kids, we're learning how to process and go through our own emotions. And in addition, if we have all four types of empathy, we are also processing. Other people's emotions, right?
We feel our own feelings physically inside. We also are feeling what they're feeling in inside. And so. What can happen is that can cause some dysregulation. And the dysregulation as a child might look like an angry outburst or anxiety or completely shutting down. Maybe going into one of the fight flight or freeze responses. Right.
Maybe it looks like. Stemming. [00:06:00] Okay. And it's not something that you can really have the ability to describe as a kid. But you know that it's there. And it's not talked about. Right. So it's not like we are taught that what we're feeling and what we're experiencing is normal or not normal, or this is what it is, or this is how you handle it.
It's just something that we get in addition to learning, to manage all of our emotions. To begin with. Right. So for some people at can cause a lot of overwhelming feelings, right? It's it can be a lot.
So. What can also happen to us growing up and you guys, I'm never going to sugar coat things too. People in the neuro divergent community know that there is a lot of shaming. There's a lot [00:07:00] of gaslighting for us. We are constantly told that we're wrong. As we are being raised. And so it really instills this idea that maybe something's wrong with me, right.
Or maybe what I'm feeling is too much, or maybe what I'm feeling is wrong in some way. And I just, I really feel like more people need to know about the four different types of empathy. To understand that there's nothing wrong with you, right? And teach your children that there's nothing wrong with them. And if we are. Teaching ourselves and teaching our kids.
We can really have a brighter future. Right. So what can happen when you have all four types of empathy? Not always, but what can happen is you can attract people to you [00:08:00] that maybe don't have your best interests, right? Maybe they think about themselves more often than they would think about your experience.
And so what you end up doing as a neuro divergent. In path is. You are putting yourself in other people's shoes. You're thinking about their experience in their circumstances and your thinking about how they feel in their body, because you're feeling it in your body. And so as we navigate through life, we might have individuals that all are all about what they're going through.
They're experiencing what they're experiencing. We're constantly helping them. And what can happen is these type of people can kind of poke and prod and see if they can cross your [00:09:00] boundaries. Now they may or may not be intentionally thinking about doing that. What they are thinking about is their own needs. And there are people out there that genuinely do want to, or try to manipulate. To get their way and because we're feeling. So deeply. We can sometimes allow people to cross our boundaries. And what's happening.
If you break it down. Is we're in this act of people pleasing and we're in this act of, I want them to feel better. So I'm going to go ahead and do this. And it comes at our expense. It comes at. An expense to us. But then in addition, What also, if you go like a little bit deeper, what also is happening is because we're feeling [00:10:00] what they're feeling because we're feeling so deeply inside.
And we never really learned how to process through all of our feelings. So we want our pain to also stop. We want our suffering to also stop, but what we end up doing when we allow somebody to cross our boundaries, Is we're teaching them that that's okay to do. And. That's not the greatest thing for us.
But it ends up being bigger because then they want more and they want more and they want more. So our relief is only temporary. We also can attract people around us that really need lifting up. Maybe they have a low self-esteem. And so whether we have a low self-esteem or not, we spend a lot of time and energy lifting them up and giving them a lot of compliments and. [00:11:00] Pointing out all of the things that they're doing right. Now, what I want to say is that's not wrong.
Right? However, you're spending a lot of your personal energy on processing through your own feelings. And because you have four types of empathy, you're spending a lot of energy processing through all four types of energy. And that takes a lot of energy. And then in addition, by lifting people up or allowing people to walk over your boundaries, that is a huge energy sucker. And so this can last weeks, it can last months.
And in some cases it can last years. It may be that you come from a family that this is a continual thing. It may be that you choose partners, that this is a continual thing. And without knowing any better without knowing the cause or the reason or [00:12:00] how to give yourself tools to work with it. It just is what it is.
Think one of the things that's really to note here is having four types of empathy. Can often by neuro typicals. Be very misunderstood. It can be, I mean, it could be a neurodivergent neurodivergent relationship and still be misunderstood if we're not knowing. What to look for or how to ask, to figure out what's going on with the neurodivergent individual that is experiencing the four types of empathy.
Right. So now I really want to kind of shift and talk about how we can take. Our neurodivergent empathy and turn it into our super power. Turn it into our greatest gift. Right? So some people can turn this empathy into a business you've [00:13:00] got super successful Reiki, masters, or psychics, or. You have people that build businesses on all four types of empathy. I am a clear cut case.
Right? My entire life, I was told how sensitive I was. I was told that I was an ultra. An ultra sensitive. Right. And what I wanted to do was I wanted to take my greatest weakness, or at least I was told it was my greatest weakness and turn it into my greatest strength. And I think that's part of how I show up as a coach.
And I am so good at what I do. And there are so many other people that can turn their sensitivity into their greatest strengths and turn it into. Business. So what I really like to do is really ask you, how can you turn [00:14:00] this into your greatest strength? The other thing that's really kind of fun is that when people are an ultra sensitive or they have access to all four types of empathy, there also comes a lot of creativity. And this is where you will find people that do amazing art, create amazing music. Or maybe they're really, really good at dance. Maybe there bang in at doing robots or coding or whatever that creativity, however it is is in your world and your life and your body and your mind. Really look for what creativity you can and turn your empathy, into your greatest strength. I think the other thing that's really amazing is when you're able to really process through a feeling from start to finish. [00:15:00] And release it. The next step is really asking yourself. Is what I'm feeling is what I'm experiencing mine.
And what part of it can I let go of? Because as if it's not yours, you do not need to carry it. It does not need to be a weight on the invisible backpack that you carry on your back. Right. So let's go ahead and let it go. Another pretty amazing thing is that with the someone that can have access to all four types of empathy, we can genuinely create very deep, very fulfilling. Very connected relationships. And this of course comes from being able to have the tools to have healthy boundaries, to have self-trust, to have self-respect to have unconditional love. And Be able to process through your own [00:16:00] feelings and allow to release.
Another really beautiful thing that I have found that when people are neurodivergent empath. Is they come up with very good, very creative ideas to be able to help the world in some way. Because they are able to feel and they're able to think, and they're able to create. And so these are the ones that are out there that are really innovative.
These are the ones that are out there that are thinking, yes, I want to turn this into a business and I want to give back. Right. And I want to help other people, which is pretty amazing. And I love to see more of that, especially, this is my kind of hyper fixation. If you are going to help the earth in some way, because. My little drop here is I feel like we need more people [00:17:00] paying attention to the earth.
As we summarize being neurodivergent and an empath can be turned into your greatest strength, it can be utilized. To have a very loving and fulfilling life. To be able to understand yourself on a deeper level. And I think that that is a pretty powerful thing because it helps you accept yourself and accept your neurodiversity.
It also maybe be able to have a link to be able to help heal some of your past. I love you all. Thank you so much for joining us today. Please check out the show notes and follow the link in the show notes to download your free. Emotional regulation mini course. And what that can do is that can really start the [00:18:00] biggest part of your journey to learn those skills, to be able to tap in to all of your gifts. And this is my gift to you. I love you all take care.
Bye-bye.
